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Pets & Food
D.L. Hughley
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Now it's all kind of shit you ain't supposed to eat
You can't eat carbs, you can't-, you can't eat fat
You can't eat, oh man, so much shit
Now you can't eat like beef, 'cause the cow was mad
You can't eat chicken, 'cause it got the flu
And now the pig got the chicken flu
How the fuck that happen?
What is the pig? Cover your beak, motherfucker?
I'm trying not to get sick
You know where mad cow comes from?
They think that it comes like
It's-, it's-, it's shit that goes on in the brain and the spinal cord
When a cow dies or they slaughter it
They grind it up and feed the shit and feed to other cows
I'd be mad too if somebody fed me my brother
Ain't that a bitch?
Is this Earl?
All to make food bigger and stronger
You're just bigger shit
Remember, you ever got a piece of chicken from Popeyes?
Remember when we was growing up, how little it was?
Now that motherfucker is just huge
And now, like in China, like now you got to worry about all kinds of shit
Like you got to worry about catching SARS when you go to the airport
Because black folk ain't got to worry about that shit
'Cause you're going to catch that shit if you go to China
And Southwest Airlines don't go to China
That's one we're gon' miss
I don't care what you tell me
Southwest is the official airline of black people
But I don't give a fuck
9-11 happened on United and American
It never would happen on Southwest Airlines, look
All them black people with 27 dollars tickets to Oakland, shit
We'd have landed that goddamn plane
Been in there giving interviews
Look here, I saved the hostages
Somebody talk to the governor
See, if he take one of these felonies off my record, yeah?
And they honestly, this is true
They say that they're worried about SARS
That it comes from Chinese people consuming the civet cat
The cat, they eat the civet cat
That's the fucking deal
Like, and people think that I'm fucked up, but
Telling you that if you ever been to China
The shit that we think of as pets, they think of as food
Now, I ain't bullshitting
They eat some shit that we don't-
You-, I'm telling you, man, they eat a lot of shit that just can't say no
That's the fucking deal
You go to China, you don't see nobody walking no fucking dogs
'Cause you don't walk food
You ain't never seen black people walking chickens, have you?
Hey, two-piece, come here
You and Biscuit, get your ass in the house
I don't understand it
White folk, your fascination with animals amazes me
Even the dogs y'all pick, y'all pick little ass dogs
What's that?
That's my dog
Her name is Pepper
She weighs three ounces and costs 2,000 dollars
Well, you should have named her Cocaine
I don't understand, man