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Imposter Syndrome
Rusty James
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Lyrics
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I was lost in the cadence of the words and the language
And the languid pace that paraded down the pages
It was plagued with anguish, so of course I related
Even though the source was dated, it was coarse and faded
So I sorta sat and sorted through assorted stacks of sordid raps
That I had written but never recorded back
When I felt cornered and attacked because I raped without confidence
Until I heard a broadcast that sang of clouds that were ominous
And the calm I felt wasn't common but it seemed to a solvent
A solution to the problem and began to soften what was solemn
And I stood up from the squalid, cramped dorm room of the college
Loosened the tie around my collar and enjoyed my newfound solace
So lets polish every damn mirror, for too long it's been sad here
Grab the gear and lets try to record everything that we can't hear
Because I don't want another bad year so lets acclimate and adhere
Let the habits break it's happening let's all get out of here right now
Tell me, why is it so hard to be true to myself and still want you to see?
Unsure if I should stick with this or stay inconspicuous
Conflicted and sick of this but I've got more hubris than Icarus
Because when I'm ripping it I feel infinite, render space and time insignificant
As I get intimate with rhyme schemes interesting and intricate
Meticulous when I'm rapping, man, no happenstance or advantages
Just old fashioned reckless abandonment, brandish mics and vanish quick
See I've had the blues and they can be insufferable
And its nothing against those other hues
But if defeat fits the shoes they become too comfortable
Tell me, when you look what do you see?
Is there another standing next to me?
Came up with a pseudonym to feel new again
A verbal hooligan unscrupulous and cooler than I could've been
A suitable gimmick to trick cynics and critics
So it's fitting when I start to exhibit antagonistic characteristics
Hard on myself don't even know the root of it
Had a supportive network since my youth the truth is inconclusive and confusing
And you might find this amusing but I grew up on Hip Hop musing
If I could pursue this type of music without misusing or abusing it
So I have no expectations, just respect for the sound
And I fully understand I'm just a guest in this house
Even at eight in eighty six, I felt I could relate like maybe this
Can illuminate why all this weight seemed to lift when the records spins and the needle hits
So I've been working on this self portrait and I'm approaching the ending
Just need to soften the charcoal blending of the rendering
Finally feels finished, step back, tell me what do you see
How could it be? Wait a minute that looks nothing like me
Imposter Syndrome