The Flying Saucer Song (alternate version)

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Hey, what's happenin'? Hey, what's shakin'? How's your lady? Oh, she's fine, you know. Little hemorrhoidal Problem and all of them, but you know how it goes So what's happenin'? Nothin' much, except, um, had a weird experience the other night Is that right? Yeah, you see, um, I was walkin' along, you know, mindin' my own Yeah? I looked off to my right and I saw this strange light A light? That's right. So anyway, what happened was it Got me thinkin' about this poem I read once A poem, huh? Yeah, a poem. It was like, "Late last night, in Search of light, I watched a ball of fi..." You don't mind if I do this for you, do you, man? Heh, heh, no, man, I was only puttin' you on. It's your record You know what I mean? Carry on, do whatever you want Well, alright Late last night, in search of light I watched a ball of fire streak across the midnight sky I watched it glow, then grow, then shrink, then sink Into the silhouette of morning as I watched it die Then I said to myself, I said, "Hey I got a lot in common with that light" Well, that's right You see, I'm alive with fire in my life That streaks across my span of time And is seen by those who lift their eyes in search of light To help them through the long, dark night Hey, you know, that's alright Well, thanks, man, it's just a poem I learned a long time ago It's still alright. But tell me something. What happened? Well, you see, that wasn't the funny thing that happened to Me. You see, the funny thing that happened to me was that Well, it got me thinkin' about this man I met a few years Back in this bar, sort of, and he, um, well, he told me This sort of, uh, strange, um, you know, flying saucer story Flying saucers, huh? Yeah, you see, one night he was walkin' along, mindin' his own Looked off to his right and he saw this strange light, too A light, right? Right. So anyway, he started off to Investigate this light off to his right, right? Right Got about halfway across this field and realized what he Was doing, you know? I mean, I mean, after all, there he Was in the middle of a field in the middle of the night Investigating this weird light off to his right, right? Right. So what happened? Well, to make a long story short, uh, you know, short of, uh, he split You mean he split? Yeah, you know, just, uh Alright, so what happened with you? Well, I got thinkin' about this guy and the story You know, and the poem and everything, you know? Yeah? Well, so I split, too, you understand? You split? Yeah, split Split? Split, S-P-L-I-T Shit. Well, I got to splittin' now myself, see. Listen, I hope your Wife's little whatchamacallits'll get better real fast and all that Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait, wait a minute Wait a minute for what, man? What do you think You're doin'? You turnin' into Crusades or something? That's the dumbest story I ever heard in my life What? What you mean? Listen, I'm tellin' you the truth That's nice, you know, but, uh, did you ever Hear the one about the guy with the wooden eye? Hey, now, don't do that to me, man I mean, well, let me put it this way Listen, shit, you know somethin'? You crazy. You know that? Well, hey, don't you call me crazy, man. Let me Ask you somethin'. What would you have done, man? Well, to begin with, I wouldn't have told the story, you understand? Well, that's easy for you to say, but it Happened to me. You know what I mean? Hey, listen, man, don't be some asshole. You tryin' to put my... Hey, you callin' me an asshole? No, no, I'm just sayin' you're an asshole, you understand? Hey, you got... Alright, alright, alright, let's clean Up this language. Let's clean it up, come on. Either You clean up this language or you get outta this place Hey, man, the man called me an asshole Alright, that's enough of those words. Now either you talk Clean or you get outta here. I'm still sayin', uh, it's Not me. It's just that you are an asshole, you understand? Hey, you know somethin'? You know what's gonna happen to you? Now, listen, don't you raise a glass, you understand? Hey, you know what I could do to you if I wanted to... Hey, you're Gonna make me angry, man, here. I'm just tryin' to talk to you You asked me, you said, "How ya doin'?" I said, "Okay." You asked Me how my lady was, I told you. You said, "What's new?" I'm tellin' You a story about what happened to me the other night. I was Really walkin' along. I really looked off to my right. I really Did see a light off in the middle of the night off to my right I really did tell you everything, and that's right, you understand? Alright, alright, alright, alright. I gotta go now God damn, man. What are you doin' to me Man? You're makin' me look like a fool Well, uh, that's easy. All you have to do is look in your own mirror Hey, man Alright, watch your language Hey, man, didn't you hear me singin' a while ago? Uh, hey, let me ask you guys somethin' . Uh, are you a group or anything? Group? Well, I heard you singin' before I thought maybe it's a group, you know? Hey, hey, why don't you just get... Hey, you serve The drinks, you know. You wipe them glasses. Leave us Alone. Hey, you know what? Let's go to some other bar Well, alright