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I Never Do Anything Twice
Millicent Martin
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
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When I was young and single
I don't recall the date
I met a handsome captain of the guard
He visited my chambers one evening very late
In tandem with a husky Saint Bernard
At first, I was astonished
And tears came to my eyes
But later, when I asked him to resume
He said to my surprise
"My dear, it isn't wise
Where love is concerned
One must freshen the bloom"
Once, yes
Once for a lark
Twice, though
Loses the spark
One must never deny it
But after you try it
You vary the diet
Said my handsome young guard
"Yes, I know that it's hard
Still, no matter how nice
I never do anything twice"
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh
I think about the baron
Who came at my command
And proffered me a riding crop and chains
The evening that we shared was meticulously planned
He took the most extraordinary pains
He trembled with excitement
His cheeks were quite aglow
And afterwards he cried to me
"Encore!"
He pleaded with me so
To have another go
I murmured caressingly
"Whatever for?"
Once, yes
Once is a lark
Twice, though
Loses the spark
Once, yes
Once is delicious
But twice would be vicious
Or just repetitious
Someone's bound to be scarred
Yes, I know that it's hard
Still, no matter the price
I never do anything twice
Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh
And then there was the abbott
Who worshipped at my feet
And dressed me in a wimple and in veils
He made a proposition
Which I found rather sweet
And handed me a hammer and some nails
In time we lay contented
And he began again
By fingering the beads around our waists
I whispered to him then
"We'll have to say Amen"
For I had developed more catholic tastes
Once, yes
Once for a lark
Twice, though
Loses the spark
As I said to the abbott
I'll get in the habit
But not in the habit
You've my highest regard
And I know that it's hard
Still, no matter the vice
I never do anything twice
Once, yes
Once can be nice
Love requires some spice
If you've something in view
Something to do
Totally new
I'll be there in a trice
But I never do anything twice
Except -
No, I never do anything twice
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