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Stolen Valor.
pty
,
IDK Young J.
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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What are your feelings, you know, being in America as a Nigerian
Like, do you feel like you fit in?
I used to call myself a wallflower
But I was more of a chameleon
I'd turn into a therapist, or morph to a comedian
I wanted to belong; it was all I could need
In my attempts, I never even tried belonging as me
It was a given that I saw to the need
Different versions of myself appeared depending who was talking to me
But when you're friends with everybody and they only know a side of you
It's hard for your identity to solidly be
I picked up all and any hobbies and creeds
I got involved in things I never even wanted to see
I made a couple friends, acquaintances and all in between
But I was still depressive, obviously
It was appalling to see
Beyond a personal level, I had some fish to fry too
What happens when you're in a country full of people like you
Same looks, same names, same recent life moves
But you realize that you don't fit the scene in wide view
Since a kid, I was divorced as I could be from my roots
I was still within the country, but my difference shined through
Didn't listen to the music till my teens when I grew
Sore thumb within the zeitgeist, I figured I'd move
Sought the West because it was supposed to be what I knew
Had the cadence and the taste and had the lease of life too
And superficially, it was a better feel for my truth
But it's clear to see it wasn't the completely right move
In a country where it's"us" versus"them" every day
It was clear the day I would be seen as"us" never came
My ability of switching who I was would never aid
Once again, I seemed to fit, but it was not a better space
Felt like stolen valor if I leaned too heavy either way
But I found a balance harder to achieve and keep the same
If I stuck to one extreme, at least I'd only feel a way
So, I figured being me would probably never be the play
Let the fear of no acceptance lead astray
Twenty years I acted like I didn't know it was myself I seen betrayed
Now I can't be sure of who I am or what is real or fake
So, I stay forever stuck between the gates
And I feel like. A lot of the time it just feels like
I'm a fraud bro, like
One minute, I'm fitting in with the Nigerians
And then the next minute, I'm a completely different person with my American friends
(Yeah) And then, I'm like"which one is me?"
Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's fair
But what's the biggest thing you can say
Okay, it has stayed with you through all that
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