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Drugs, Donuts And Wealth - Live
Chris Rock
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Now one thing I don't like about America
One thing I don't like, if I can say so
Is we got really bad drug policy in America, man
We got real horrible drug policy, man
We got people in jail for gettin' high
Now you go to other countries, you go to Amsterdam, drugs are legal
You can ask the cop where the weed spot's at in Amsterdam
"Officer, I need some weed."
"Oh, right around the corner, right there."
It's a beautiful thing
But America, we got a fucked up drug policy
And that's the truth, man
Shit, the reason coke and weed are illegal in
America don't got shit to do with your safety
The reason coke and weed are illegal in America is '
Cause the best coke and weed ain't made in America
If they made the good shit here, there'd be a
Coke and weed restaurant on every fuckin' corner
That's right, wouldn't be no Starbucks, it'd be Weedbucks
McDonald's, McCoco's
"Uh, give me a Happy Meal and an 8-ball, thank you."
Krispy Kremes, Cracky Kremes
Yo, that's how good Krispy Kreme donuts are
Krispy Kreme donuts are so good, if I told you right now
They had crack in it, you'd go, "I knew somethin' was up
I knew, these donuts are too damn good, man
Got me knockin' on the donut window at 2 o'clock
In the mornin', 'Come on, man, open up, man
Give me one more donut, I'll do anything, I'll suck your dick!'"
Yo, that should be the new slogan for Krispy Kreme
"Krispy Kreme, so good you'll suck a dick!"
Man, these some good-ass donuts
You'd be mad if your kid ate your donuts then
"Boy, you know what I had to do to get them donuts?
Now leave my fuckin' donuts alone
Now I gotta go out and suck some old dick for donuts
Kids will never learn, shit!"
Nah, man, the government, they will never legalize drugs in America
Okay, the first reason they will never legalize drugs in
America is because the government makes way too much money
Puttin' our brothers and sisters in fuckin' jail, okay?
That's first of all, okay?
For bullshit
The second reason the government will never legalize drugs in America
Is because, you know, God forbid some brown people got wealthy
Can't have that, 'cause drugs come from brown countries
We can't have wealthy brown people
There are no wealthy black or brown people in America
We got some rich ones, we don't got no fuckin' wealth
People go, "What's the difference?"
Here's the difference, Shaq is rich
The white man that signs his check is wealthy
"Ah, here you go, Shaq, go buy yourself a bouncin' car
Say hi to Nelly and Dame Dash if you can
Haha!
Bling bling!"
I'm not talkin' 'bout rich, I'm talkin' 'bout wealth, okay?
I'm talkin' 'bout the white family that owns all
The fuckin' Similac, those rich motherfuckers, okay?
I'm talkin' 'bout the white family that owns
The color blue, those rich bastards, okay?
I ain't talkin' 'bout Oprah, I'm talkin' 'bout Bill Gates, okay?
If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's
Money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window
He'd slit his throat on the way down, "Ah, shit
I can't even put gas in my plane"
I'm not talkin' 'bout rich, I'm talkin' 'bout wealth
'Cause wealth will set us fuckin' free, okay?
I'm talkin' 'bout wealth, okay?
'Cause wealth is empowering
Wealth can uplift communities from poverty, okay?
A white man gets wealthy, he builds Walmarts and
Makes other white people have some motherfuckin' money
A brother gets rich, he buys some motherfuckin' jewelry, okay?
Do you know what the fuck I'm talkin' 'bout?
I ain't talkin' 'bout rich, I'm talkin' 'bout wealth
Wealth is passed down from generation to generation
You can't get rid of wealth
Rich is some shit you can lose with a crazy summer and a drug habit
Fuck, Rick James was rich
One minute you're singin' "Super Freak", the
Next minute you're doin' Old Navy commercials
"Give it to me, baby, give me corduroys"
I'm not talkin' 'bout rich, I'm talkin' 'bout wealth
Now don't get me wrong
It's not all white people's fault that black
And brown people don't have any fuckin' wealth
Maybe, now just maybe
Maybe if we didn't spend all our money on rims, we might have some
To invest
We don't give a fuck, boy
Black people, we love rims
We will put shiny-ass rims on any piece of shit car in the world
We don't give a fuck
A brother'll put rims on a toaster if you let him
"Yo, man, I got some raisin toast sittin' on 22s, nigga
22S, look at 'em, motherfucker, look at 'em
And they spinnin', nigga, they spinnin'
They spinnin', nigga, they spinnin'
They spinnin', nigga, they spinnin'"We don't give a fuck. Money's new
To black people. It's new to us. We the most money-wasting
Motherfuckers on the face of the earth. We spend money like we think
The shit's gonna rot, okay? Brothers riding around with TVs in the
Headrests of the car. The TVs is on, and ain't nobody in the back
Seat. I ain't talkin' 'bout rich, I'm talking 'bout wealth. Now
When it comes to acquiring a fortune, when it comes to acquiring
Wealth in the United States of America, different people have gone
About it in different ways, okay? There's a saying about wealth
There's a saying about fortunes. And the saying is: "Behind every
Great fortune is a great crime. Behind every great fortune is a great
Crime." And there's some truth to that 'cause some of the richest
Most powerful people in the United States are the descendants of drug
Dealers. Your Kennedys, your Brockmans, it's all drug money. They
Call it "bootlegging," but that's just a white word that means "drug
Dealing," okay? They didn't sell boots. They sold the crack of their
Day, okay? They killed cops and kids, and that's cool, good for them
Now, when it's time for other people to come up and acquire wealth
You know, the rules change. And one of the number one rules in
America when it comes to acquiring wealth goes like this, now, they
Go like this. The rule is: "Only the white man can profit from pain
" So if you're black or brown, you can make money in the United States
. You can get rich in the United States. You can prosper in the United
States. But if you do anything, if one person is harmed while you are
Doing this, you will be destroyed, okay? You watch Oprah? Every now
And then, Oprah has a show where she's just giving away money. You
Know why? She's trying to keep the Feds off her back. Only the white
Man can profit from pain, okay? White man makes alcohol. Tastes
Great. I love it, you love it, we all love it. Kills motherfuckers
Every single day, okay? Some of y'all ain't even gonna make it home
Tonight 'cause of alcohol. Gonna be driving home, "Oh, man, that
Chris Rock show is funny." "Oh, shit!" But it's alright, 'cause
It's all white. White man makes cigarettes. The most dangerous
Product known to man. Cigarettes are so fucking dangerous, it kills
Motherfuckers that don't smoke, okay? That's how fucking dangerous
Cigarettes are, okay? Yes, yes, yes. Firsthand smoke, secondhand
Smoke. People talking out of their necks in the machines like, "
Hey, what's up, man? I love cigarettes." But it's alright, 'cause
It's all white. Could you imagine if the Philip Morris family was
A bunch of Jheri-curl niggas from Mississippi? Do you know how
Illegal a pack of cigarettes should be? You would get fifty years
For a carton of Newports. Shit. But it's alright, 'cause it's all
White. Shit, white man makes guns. Big deal, nobody gives a fuck
Kids shoot up each other in school, nobody gives a fuck. White man
Makes guns, no problem. Black rapper says "gun," congressional
Hearing. "Oh, my God, that nigga said '
Gun!' And he rhymed it with 'fun.'"
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