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When You Had Left Our Pirate Fold
Pirates of Penzance
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When you had left our pirate fold
We tried to raise our spirits faint
According to our custom old
With quips and quibbles quaint
But all in vain the quips we heard
We lay and sobbed upon the rocks
Until to somebody occurred
A startling paradox
A paradox?
A paradox
A most ingenious paradox!
We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks
But none to beat this paradox!
A paradox, a paradox
A most ingenious paradox
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
This paradox
We knew your taste for curious quips
For cranks and contradictions queer
And with the laughter on our lips
We wished you there to hear.
We said, "If we could tell it him
How Frederic would the joke enjoy!"
And so we've risked both life and limb
To tell it to our boy
That paradox?
That paradox
That most ingenious paradox!
We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks
But none to beat this paradox
A paradox, a paradox
A most ingenious paradox
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
That paradox
ย
For some ridiculous reason, to which, however I've no desire to be disloyal
Some person in authority, I don't know who
Very likely the Astronomer Royal
Has decided that, although for such a beastly month as February
Twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty
One year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine and twenty
Through some singular coincidence
I shouldn't be surprised if it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy
You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement
Having been born in leap-year
On the twenty-ninth of February
And so, by a simple arithmetical process, you will easily discover
That though you've lived twenty-one years
Yet, if we go by birthdays
You're only five and a little bit over!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Ho! ho! ho! ho!
Dear me
Let's see
Yes, yes; with yours my figures do agree
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
How quaint the ways of Paradox!
At common sense she gaily mocks
Though counting in the usual way
Years twenty-one I've been alive
Yet, reckoning by my natal day
Yet, reckoning by my natal day
I am a little boy of five!
He is a little boy of five!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
A paradox, a paradox
A most ingenious paradox
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
That paradox
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
A curious paradox
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
A most ingenious paradox
ย
Oh, on my word
This is most curious indeed
Most absurdly whimsical!
Five and a quarter, eh?
You wouldn't think it to look at me!
You are glad now I'll be bound that you've spared us
You would never have forgiven yourself when you discovered that you had killed two of your comrades
My comrades?
I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy of your position
You were apprenticed to us!
Yes, until I reached my twenty-first year
No, no, no
Until you reached your twenty-first birthday!
And going by birthdays, you are as yet only five and a quarter
Well, you don't mean to say you're going to hold me to this?
No, no, no
We merely remind you of the fact
And leave the rest to your sense of duty!
Your sense of duty
Don't put it on that foot!
As I was merciful to you just now
Be merciful to me!
I implore you not to insist upon the letter of your bond
Just as the cup of happiness is at my lips
We insist on nothing
We content ourselves with pointing out to you your duty
Your duty
Well, you've appealed to my sense of duty
And my duty is only too clear
I abhor your infamous calling
I shudder at the thought I've ever been mixed up with it!
But duty is before all
And at any price, I will do my duty
Bravely spoken! Come, you're one of us once more!
Lead on, I follow
ย