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Home on the Range - Storyteller
David Jeremiah
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
This is a Wild Western tale, but it's not about cowboys
This time, the heroes are cows. Let's begin now
In a quiet corner of the Old West sat Pearl's farm. She called
It Patch of Heaven, and for her, it was. Pearl had everything
She needed: shelter, fun and friendship. All the farm
Animals were like family to her, especially her two wonderful
Cows, the wise Mrs. Calloway and the sweet, naรฏve Grace
Then one day, a neighbor dropped off a new cow. Pearl was delighted
I'd be happy to take her in, Abner. There's always room for one more
As Abner handed over the rope, he chuckled
Well, thanks, Pearl. I gotta warn you, though
. She's, heh... she's a bit headstrong
The new cow, Maggie, was a big, brash cow who loved to
Show off, talk back and belch loudly. She greeted the
Farm animals, who stared at her in shocked silence
Hey! Thanks, everybody! It's great to be here in
Patch of Heaven. Now, don't everybody speak at
One time! What is this, the frozen food section?
The younger animals liked her, but Mrs. Calloway was not impressed
Sadly, Pearl's farm was not doing well. The bank was
Foreclosing on the place, and Pearl did not have enough money
Sheriff Sam rode over to bring the bad news. She owed $750
I'm telling you, if they don't get their money in
Three days, they're gonna auction off Patch of Heaven
Pearl frowned
Yeah, but... they can't take my place, why... I've been here
Through twisters, blizzards... Sam, I... Sam, this is my home
Sam climbed back on his horse, Buck, and rode away sadly
I'm sorry, Pearl. I'm truly sorry
Devastated, Pearl ran him off her farm, then shuffled back into her
Cozy house to lie down. The barn animals were worried. If the farm
Got sold, their family would be broken
Up. But Maggie spoke up brightly
Listen, what would you say if I told you that you could win BIG money
And see beautiful downtown Chugwater if you went to the county fair?
It was only two weeks away. The prim and proper Mrs. Calloway
Thought it was a ridiculous plan. But the others agreed with
Maggie. So, Mrs. C. relented and joined Maggie and Grace as
They headed into town to beg for more time. Along the way, tone-
Deaf Grace favored them with her singing, which was no favor
Meanwhile, at the sheriff's office in Chugwater, his horse, Buck
Was dreaming of fame and glory. He liked to pretend he was a hero
Fighting a band of desperadoes single-handedly. Too bad Buck
Lived in a quiet town where nothing dangerous ever happened
Just at that moment, Pearl's three cows
Hoofed into view and spotted Buck
Well, if it isn't the phony express
I believe you left this on our farm
Maggie showed Buck the eviction notice
Give us two more weeks, and we'll have
At least sixty bucks in prize money
Buck would not listen
You got three days to pay or get on your way
Forlorn, Grace hung her head
But, Maggie, where are we gonna get all that money?
Just then, a steely-eyed stranger rode up to
The sheriff's office with an outlaw in tow
Where's my money?
The sheriff counted out a fistful of money and presented it
To the tall, tough, terrifying stranger. Maggie was amazed
Hey, they're giving away free money!
Buck shook his mane
Don't you know a hero when you see one? Huh? That's Rico
The best dang bounty hunter this side of the Pecos
You see, bounty hunters got paid for capturing bad guys, and
Rico's next target was Alameda Slim, a cattle rustler worth $750
When Rico asked for a fresh horse, Buck desperately wanted to go
With him and catch Slim. He pranced, posed and ran in circles
Trying to get the bounty hunter's attention. Finally, Rico agreed
He'll do
Buck hopped about, ecstatic
I'm riding Rico, Santa! Hasta la vista, heffers! Ha-hoo!
Then he trotted off proudly, carrying Rico
Meanwhile, Maggie was having a brainstorm
I got it! Why don't we go nab that Alameda Slim
And use the reward money to save the farm?
Mrs. Calloway shook her flowered hat and fussed
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no. There is no way in
Heaven or earth that cows can catch an outlaw
But Maggie had a plan. A brilliant plan. A brilliant bovine plan
Maggie knew if they joined a cattle drive, that rustler Alameda
Slim would come directly to them. Then they could capture him
So they hooked up with a chuckwagon that was joining a large
Cattle drive. Along the way, the cows spied a chilling sight
A farm was being auctioned off to a rich land grabber
Sold to Mr. Yancy Odell
Oh, dear. This is what was going to happen to Pearl if they failed
What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
She'll be okay. You're looking at her
What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
Let's look around. A cattle rustling is always a good sign
What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
Ha ha ha
Okay, everybody make way for the big man in black market livestock
A badly dressed city slicker stepped from an empty cattle train
So, Slim, what do you say we get a move on and load
These cash cows onto the train A-S-A-P, huh? Let's go
As Wesley greedily counted his cattle, Slim greedily counted his cash
Thanks to a friendly jack rabbit, the cows discovered the secret
Entrance to the mine. But the way
Was blocked by Slim's buffalo, Junior
A horse was trying to get through. Mrs. Calloway gasped
Oh, it's Buck!
The burly buffalo blocked Buck
The only critters that get by me are cows. Cows only
When the girls heard that, they sauntered right up to Junior
Grace smiled prettily
Sorry we're late. We got separated from the herd
He instantly stepped aside
Right this way, little lady. Tell them Junior sent ya
The cows entered Slim's hideout, leaving Buck sputtering outside
Once inside, the clever cows went into action. They
Tricked Slim into following them, then dumped him into
An old mine car, hog-tied him, and wheeled him away
What the rootin'-tootin' blazes is going on here?
Just then, Buck raced into the old mine
And stole the cart away from them
It's Slim! I got Slim! Rico's gonna be so proud of me!
Junior raced after Buck
Come back here, dog meat!
This allowed the cows to recover Slim, but Buck stole him
Back. The cart changed hands again, and the chase turned
Into a wild mine car ride. It finally ended with a huge
Explosion, and Alameda Slim escaped. Now, nobody had him
Buck still hoped to catch Slim and impress his bounty hunter
Hero. But then, he heard Slim say something shocking
Mr. Weasley, let me present the most traitorous, double-
Crossing gun for hire that I've ever had the pleasure to
Call partner: Rico. Rico's going to see you to the border
Buck was stunned by the news
No, it can't be!
Rico was a bad guy! Slim climbed atop Junior and rode off
Now, if you'll all pardon me, there's a little
Patch of heaven on the auction block this morning
He's going to buy our farm
Grace, Maggie, and Mrs. Calloway were shoved into
A cattle car. The situation looked horribly dark
Rico told Buck
You may get to like the other side of the law
Buck finally came to his senses. The stallion
Bucked Rico around like a sack of flour
Ah, skittish. Whoa
Maggie called through the train car slats
Buck, have you gone crazy?
Now, that's entirely possible. Or maybe I
Just figured out who the real heroes are!
Buck knocked out Wesley, threw Rico off his back, and scissor-
Kicked the Willits. Then, the three resourceful cows managed to break
Out of their railroad car, flatten Rico, and free all the cattle
Ha ha ha, bravo!
This was the kind of hero action Buck always dreamed of. The
Cows needed to get home, and fast. They piled into the locomotive
And took off with a boiler full of steam. Mrs. Calloway hung
Onto her flowered hat as they raced down the steel tracks
This train goes right by Patch of Heaven
Unfortunately, at that very moment, the sheriff announced
Sold! All property and livestock formerly known as
Patch of Heaven is hereby sold to Mr. Yancey O'Dell
Mr. O'Dell, who was really Alameda Slim
Chuckled as he prepared to sign the deed papers
The whole territory belongs to me. Huh?
Suddenly, the ground shook and everyone scattered. Slim looked up to
See a speeding locomotive headed his way. The train had jumped the
Tracks and was skidding across the farm in a cloud of steam and dust
Three cows stepped out of the smoke like classic western gun fighters
: Grace, Mrs. Calloway, and Maggie. Slim couldn't believe his eyes
It can't be
Slim stopped the courageous cows in their tracks
Hold it right there
Jeb leapt into action
Piggies, it's time to open up a can of whoopie!
That signaled the barnyard animals into combat. The pigs pelted Slim
With more cans. The chickens pecked his legs. A rooster crowed in
His ear. Jeb knocked Slim in the mud. Grace and Maggie kicked him
High into the air, right into the train's smoke stack. Mrs. Calloway
Blasted his disguise off with steam
Alameda Slim sneered at the cows
You think you've won? It ain't over 'til the fat man sings!
And he began to yodel. Quickly, Maggie tossed her cowbell in
The air, and Grace kicked it expertly right into Slim's yodeling
Mouth. He was udderly defeated. Grace grinned triumphantly
Nobody messes with Pearl's girls
The sheriff turned to the feisty farm lady
Pearl, your cows can't do much with Slim's reward
Money. Think you can find some use for it?
With Slim captured, Maggie stuck to her deal and
Prepared to leave. But Mrs. Calloway softened
And asked her to stay for a while. Grace agreed
How about forever?
And so it was that Alameda Slim, the most notorious and feared cattle
Rustler, was apprehended and unmasked by three unusual dairy cows
In the end, Patch of Heaven was saved. Pearl's farmyard family was
Safe and secure. Buck finally became the hero he'd always dreamed of
The farm animals won blue ribbons at the county fair. And the cows
Well, they not only became best friends, they also proved what Grace
Once said was right: Who better to catch a cattle thief than a cow?
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