Cupid
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Scared I'd open ribs and you'd look past that
I handed you something breathing, still warm
And you replied like it was noise, like before
Like "damn, that's crazy," like "you'll live"
Like my chest cracking open was a fucking skit
I don't flinch at every word you throw
Don't rewrite me into some fragile joke
I wasn't begging, wasn't baiting a sin
And that's what kills me
I didn't want blood, I wanted a pulse
I didn't want worship, I wanted a voice
I wanted ten minutes of human response
Instead I got hate wrapped in-
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Say it again till my brain fucking splits
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Now it's echoing loud in the pit of my head
Don't tell me I misread the knife in your tone
You didn't slip, you fucking aimed
That wasn't care, that was dismissal
Cold hands pretending they're clean
You belittled me once, twice, again
Then stood there shocked when I bled
You call me a child, tell me grow up
Grow into what, a corpse with a mouth?
I laid my feelings out like evidence
Heart on the table, no fucking defense
You know I value your words like law
And you shrug like that shouldn't matter at all
YES IT FUCKING SHOULD
DON'T GASLIGHT ME WITH "SHOULD"
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME
AND YOU STILL TALK LIKE I'M STUPID
LIKE I'M OVERREACTING
LIKE I'M INVENTING THE CUT
YOU PRESS THE BRUISE
Then ask why I fucking flinch
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Now it's looping like a loaded gun
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Instead you watched me come undone
You say your opinion shouldn't matter to me
In your own goddamn apology
Do you hear how insane that sounds
When you're the voice I let inside my skull?
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you
And you act surprised when I'm not fucking steady
This isn't drama, this is decay
This is trust rotting in real time
This is me screaming through clenched teeth
I'm not asking you to save me
I'm asking you to see me
You tell me to grow up, then you vanish mid-sentence
Stonewall silence like that's fucking repentance
You poke at my ribs just to watch me snap
Throw insults like bait, then step back and laugh
You strip away the gifts like love's conditional
Ask why your opinion's even critical
While I'm choking on words, still choosing you
Still saying I care, still bleeding truth
I'm breaking down loud, I'm not asking to win
I'm telling you I'm hurt and you're sharpening it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Now it's a scream stuck behind my teeth
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
And now I'm alone with the fucking debris
How the fuck is it so easy for you to cut me?
Like love turns to ammo the second I get ugly
You say you care, then swing like you're bored of my pulse
Insults slide out smooth, like you don't even feel the jolt
Do you rehearse it, or does it come natural as breath?
Hurt me so casually it feels premeditated death
You don't stumble over cruelty, you wear it like skin
Tell me you love me, then aim right where I'm thin
If this is affection, I don't wanna be spared
Because the way you talk to me says love's just violence
You learned how to do without shaking your hands
I love you. I love you. I love you
And I want you and I want to be with you forever
But it feels like you fucking hate me
It was never about the trip
IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE FUCKING TRIP
It was me handing you something personal
Something soft something still bleeding
And you looking at it like a chore you didn't sign up for
I'm sorry you're tired. I'm sorry if you're tired of me
I'm sorry I'm apologizing again
I'm sorry I exist in a way that needs words
I'm sorry my love doesn't come with an off switch
I'm sorry I'm still talking
I'm sorry I'm still here
I always wanted to be with you
That was the plan. That was the future
That was the fucking point
But am I with you if you're already gone?
Where does that leave me
WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME
Do I wait? Do I rot?
Do I keep loving a ghost that keeps telling me to calm down?
I'm screaming into the space where you used to stand
Asking if love still counts when I'm the only one holding it
I don't know who I am without you listening
I don't know where to put this if you don't want it
I don't know if I'm losing you
Or if I already did and nobody bothered to fucking tell me
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
Now it's a scream stuck behind my teeth
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
I wanted to talk about it
And now I'm alone with the fucking debris
I just wanted to talk to you
I just wanted to talk to you
I just wanted to talk to you
Now it's a scream stuck behind my teeth
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
And now I'm alone with the fucking debris