The Magical Kingdom of Claus
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Oh, man, am I starving! You got a sandwich on you?
Why, you're not Santa Claus at all!
Well, I'm afraid I am. You see, Mrs. Claus put me on the Slim Fast
Diet. I'm supposed to have a belly that shakes like a bowl full
Of jelly. Now all I have is shakes: one for breakfast, one for
Lunch, and a Sensible Cookie and skim milk for dinner. I hate it!
But Santa, how come you're not making toys
Up at the North Pole? It's almost Christmas!
Oh, I'm out of the manufacturing business
Dorothy. I'm just a middleman now
But don't you still deliver the toys?
Oh yeah, guaranteed overnight delivery
Absolutely, positively by 2:00 A.M
Well, where do you get the presents?
Oh, hang on a second, Dorothy
Delivery for Mr. Krueger. Ah, sign here, please. Oh, thank you very
Much. Oh, just put them over there
By the VCRs, okay? Thanks a lot, guys
Gee, what happened to Santa's workshop?
You know, looking back, we should have seen it
Coming. Why, I was the king of the North Pole!
I wasn't afraid of nobody. I could build anything
But then the kids got into Go-Bots
Nintendo games and robots
It wasn't quite the same
I could make 'em dolls and scooters
But I never learned computers
So the shop went down the drain
We were busy building wagons
'Til orders started dragging
It really was a shame
The Japanese were on a mission
We were blind to competition
We was busy makin' trains
We thought we made it all
From Barbie dolls to rubber balls
But Betsy Wetsy took the fall
They marked her down!
She's at the mall!
Oh, the games are complicated
That joystick's overrated
It really rots your brain
All the kids would be in heaven
Instead of hangin' at 7-Eleven
If they only had a train
Oh...
I guess Santa's workshop is gone forever
Oh, I'm sorry, Dorothy. I wish there was something I
Could do to help. But I gotta get busy. It's almost
Christmas, and I gotta put batteries in all these Game Boys
Look, here comes someone who can help
Oh, how does she do that?
Oh, very easy. Holographic projections. Greatest technology
Oh, can you help?
Santa never needed any help. He's had the
Power to work out of the North Pole all along
I do? I mean, I did? I do?
So what should we do? Click our heels together?
Oh no, that only works in the movies
All he has to do is just hook these up
Why, it's a fax machine!
And a cellular phone with voice messaging! And
Look, a pager! I'm back in business! Ho ho ho!
Can it be true? Will the elves be making toys again?
They will if they move to Mexico. I can save a bundle if I do
My manufacturing south of the border. And with these gizmos
I can keep track of who's naughty and who's nice from anywhere
Jiminy Christmas! Oh no!