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The Story Of Billy The Mountain
The Mothers of Invention
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In the sound department
Can you please put more drums into the monitor system on stage?
You play a little bit, easy
It's good, it's good
Ah, now we're gonna do the story of Billy the Mountain
For those of you who don't know already
It's the story about a mountain that lives in California
Between the towns of Rosamond and Gorman
These are little towns in the Mojave Desert
Picture if you will, a mountain that is shaped like this
It goes up on this side, with a little lump on the top
Comes down, there's a little area there that sticks out
Goes down and his foot is over here
In this area that goes over like that, there's a tree growing off of it
The tree's name is Ethell
Ethell is married to Billy the Mountain
They love each other dearly
Billy the Mountain has two big caves for eyes
And he has a jaw which is a cliff and it sticks out
And whenever he talks the cliff goes up and down like that
And dust puffs out and boulders hack up
This mountain has been living in California for years and years
And he's been ripped off by the commercial establishment
Because they've been taking pictures of him and making postcards out of that
The mountain has lost all faith in free enterprise
Until one day a man in a checkered suit drove up in a Lincoln Continental
And laid a huge bulging envelope, right at the corner of Billy the Mountain
Over there where his foot is supposed to be
And in this envelope was Billy the Mountain's royalties for all of these postcards
Suddenly he was rich and he told his wife Ethell that they were gonna go on a vacation
All the way from California to New York, so they did
They picked up and started walking
They walked across the United States and they wrecked most of it
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However, just outside of Columbus, Ohio
Billy the Mountain received a draft notice
Which is enough to spoil any mountain's vacation
His wife Ethell said she wouldn't let him go (I won't let you go, Billy)
And Billy the Mountain hacked up a few boulders and a little dust and covered up the draft notice
Well, the government found out about this and was really pissed off about it
So what they did was instead of sending the National Guard
Because that would be too messy and might attract attention
They sent somebody who is witty, diplomatic and just a special government emisary
Man's name was Studebaker Hoch, we'll tell you more about him later
This is the overture to "Billy The Mountain"
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