Going, Going, Gone
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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to one of
The most important auctions of 1866
It will dwarf all the other summer sales
We've got a lot of lots, so I won't waste any time
Fry, are you ready?
Sure
Good
Lot one is a parrot
A beautiful parrot in an amazing cage
Here I have a lovely parrot, sound in wind and limb
I can guarantee that there is nothing wrong with him
Pretty feathers, very clever, do I hear a call?
20!
30!
40!
Only 30?
Goodness, is that all?
This parrot is a healthy bird in plumage fine and rare
Fluent in five languages and never known to swear: How much?
60!
80!
90!
100!
Going for a song
Going to that well-built lady
Going, going, gone!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Pretty feathered, fair and clever
Going for a song
Going to that well-built lady
Going, going, gone
Now we have lot two, Fry
An amazing chamber pot, very subtly decorated
Such grand utensil is a joy in any home
It has very many uses into which I shall not go
Brightly painted, scarlet-tinted
Will the bidding start?
10!
11!
Just 11 for this work of art?
Pots may come and pots may go but this will always be
Strong in disposition and a cherished luxury
30!
15!
60!
Going for a song
Going to the chap with whiskers
Going, going, gone!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Brightly painted, scarlet tinted
Going for a song
Going to the chap with whiskers
Going, going, gone
Now we have lot three, you lucky people
A whole set of books from a couple of years ago
Here we have a set of books no man could value more
37 Almanacs for 1864
Bound in leather, handsome covers
Do I hear a bid?
20!
30!
Only 30?
Well, I never did!
You can learn a lot of things from almanacs like these
The rising of the sun and moon
Your fate and destinies
40!
50!
60!
80!
Going for a song
Going to the chap with glasses
Going, going, gone!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Bound in leather, handsome covers
Going for a song
Going to that chap with glasses
Going, going, gone
And now we come to the big item of the day
It's a building!
Fry, you won't have that one
See, Edinburgh Castle Gin Palace, nothing less
Magnificent
1,500 Quid anybody?
Here we have a famous and attractive property
Well-designed and strongly built
A good security
Friendly neighbors, decorated
Do I hear a price?
1,500
1,800
This chance won't come by twice
An edifice of tasteful style and heaped with history
This building is a masterpiece, a noble sight to see
2,300 Pounds
Going for a song
Going to this gorgeous lady
Going, going, gone- 25!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going
26!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going
2,800!
Friendly neighbors, decorated
Going for a song
Going to the man with the top hat
Going, going, gone- 3,000!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going
3,500!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going
4,000!
Friendly neighbors, decorated
Going for a song
5,000 Pound!
Going to the man with the top hat
Going, going, gone!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Oy!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Friendly neighbors, decorated
Going for a song
Going to the man with the top hat
Going, going, gone!
Woo!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Three!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, gone
Friendly neighbors, decorated
Going for a song
Going to the man with the top hat
Going, going, gone!
Thank you, family
Thank you, Brian
So Bernardo now owns the Edinburgh Castle
Flushed with success, he gives it to Siri as a wedding present
Instant cut to the wedding reception at Siri's new property
Instead of a song celebrating the Bernardo-Siri union, the
Happy couple make way modestly for a hitherto unfeatured pair
Of juveniles who sing a tender love song, Man of the World
Tom and Siri watch, entranced, as do we