Levinsky Of The Spirits
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...Insurance papers, we got our insurance papers, we got our insurance
Papers, then we all went to the fire to see who the lucky one was
And one of the firemen pushed Levi away. Levi says, "Don't get so
Fresh, if it wasn't for us you wouldn't be working." I said, "Levi
Do you know your insurance comes out on the 15th?" He said, "Don't
Be afraid, the fire engines will run out on the 14th." Someone asked
Levi if he had change of fifty cents, and he gave the fella six six
And a quarter. I said, "Levi, you gave him too much change." He said
"I know it, wait 'til he tries to change that quarter." The fireman
Pushed him again. Levi said, "Show me an Irishman, I'll show you a
Fool." The fireman said, "I'm an Irishman," and Levi said, "Well
I'm a fool." Before we went to the fire, I was telling you all about
My wedding. Well, when no one was looking, we sneaked away and went
On our honeymoon. We went to a place called Malaria Junction, it's
Someplace between life and death. My wife woke up in the cooking car
She said, "Oy, Abraham, I dreamt last night you bought me an
Automobile." And I said, "You're going to ruin me with your
Extravagant dreams." Then I told her I had a dream, I said, "I dreamt
I saw a magician turn a cow into a horse." She said, "That's nothing
I have often dreamed you make a jackass out of yourself." Well, we
Were away about two weeks, my wife, she couldn't get a job, so we
Came home. The policeman said when we got back, "We're missing
Rosenborg," and she said her brother was in the war, and now he's got
An illiterate wife. My wife says, "That's nothing, my sister got the
Fever chest." Just then, Mr. Bear was running to the station house to
Get his wife arrested for trying to rock him to sleep. I said, "You
Can't get your wife arrested for rocking you to sleep." He said, "Oy
You should have seen the size of the rock." Well, when no one was
Looking, we sneaked away and went on our honeymoon. We went to a
Place called Malaria Junction, someplace between life and death
My wife woke up in the cooking car, she said, "Oy, Abraham, I dreamt
Last night you bought me an automobile." And I said, "You're going
To ruin me with your extravagant dreams." Then I told her I had a
Dream, I said, "I dreamt I saw a magician turn a cow into a horse
" She said, "That's nothing, I have often dreamed you make a jackass
Out of yourself." Well, we were away about two weeks, my wife, she
Couldn't get a job, so we came home. The policeman said when we got
Back, "We're missing Rosenborg," and she said her brother was in
The war, and now he's got an illiterate wife. My wife says, "That's
Nothing, my sister got the fever chest." Just then, Mr. Bear was
Running to the station house to get his wife arrested for trying to
Rock him to sleep. I said, "You can't get your wife arrested for
Rocking you to sleep." He said, "Oy, you should have seen the size
Of the rock." Well, my wife is such a cook, I got the tuxes, so I
Went to the doctor, he told me I must drink hot water an hour before
Each meal, but no matter how hard I try, I can't drink it more than
Ten minutes. I was afraid I was going to die, so I said to my wife
"You think I'll drink in the next world?" She said, "I don't know
About your drinking, but I wouldn't use your smoke." On my way to the
Doctor, I met Levi, and he told me he was studying languages, and
Just as I was leaving him, he said, "Au revoir." I said, "What's that
?" And he said, "That's 'goodbye' in French." I said, "Carbolic acid."
Levi said, "What's that?" I said, "That's 'goodbye' in any language."