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Family Dirge
Noël Coward
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🇬🇧 English · Original
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Family Dirge
The hand of implacable destiny
Has lopped a bough from our family tree
And though our hearts unquestionably ache
We're afraid there's been some hideous mistake
Not in the fact of being bereft
But because of the will our loved one left
The irritating will our loved one left
I who gave him a rocking horse
I who encouraged him to play the game
I who set his mathematic course
Have not been left so much as a photograph frame
I who gave him a pocket knife
I who brought him all that butterscotch
I who taught him the facts of life
Have not been left so much as an Ingersoll watch
Ingratitude, ingratitude
The sin of age, the curse of youth
Ingratitude, ingratitude
More bitter than a serpent's tooth
I who nursed him and watched him grow
I, his voluntary football coach
I who read him Edgar Allan Poe
Have not been left so much as a cameo brooch
I who taught him his childish prayers
I who saved him from that ghastly blonde
I who advised him on stocks and shares
Have not been left so much as a government bond
A blind, implacable whim of fate's
Has whisked our darling through heaven's gates
Before he'd time to turn around and pause
Just to add one small subsidiary clause
Which might have eased our hearts' discontent
On reading his will and testament
His idiotic will and testament