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Last Letter (Paused)
Parker Jack
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I put the barrel to my head and send a text to my mother
"I'd be better off dead"
The message said read, she text me back sayin', "That's some nonsense"
I hit her back, "Mama, I think that I've fuckin' lost it"
Got some pills in my system and some liquor down my throat
I'm not playin' the victim, I hit the end of my road
She tryna call me now, but I won't answer my phone
Sweat runnin' down my head, losin' feelin' in my toes
Hands shakin' from my nerves, but I won't drop that gun
Time to take my fuckin' life, I swear to God that I'm done
Hand slipped and it hit answer the phone
I can hear it saying, "Please! Parker don't go!
Not your time to fuckin' leave, it's time to take a breath, Parker, just breathe
Five minutes away, can you please wait for me?"
My mouth is so numb, I can't say no words to her
It hurts even more 'cause I know my worth to her
I know I'm selfish for desertin' her
But I can't tell if it's worse for her, or if it's worse for me
I'll take it to the forest, let them fuckin' search for me
I got my shoes tied, dirty Nike's on my feet
Pills are finally kickin' in, I can barely even see
I opened up the door, my problems started to flee
'Cause the pain that started this will be over for me
I hope it will be over for me
I've been feelin' lonely lately, what if I go?
Will I find peace for me? Maybe
Last letter that I wrote
Last letter that I wrote
Walkin' along the train tracks alone again
Got my girl on the phone again
Did shit she can't take back, now I'm losin' hope again
Memories in playback, I just don't know how to cope with them
Tell her that I'm tryna keep my head up, but I'm fed up and
I don't hear the voice inside that tells me to get up and
'Cause of her, that I'm tryna hold it together
My body's foldin' as I'm holdin' this phone and writin' my final letter
Now she's cryin' and screamin' tryna believe it
I feel like I'm dying, I'm leaving
My knuckles hurt from all the punches, I've been fightin' my demons
Now she's runnin' like she's never done, tryin' to breathe and
No rush babe, it's somethin' that I'm done with
I've thought about this many times, how I'm fuckin' nothing
And I don't see no love and, I look around
I look around for somethin' to remind me to stick around
In life, but see no signs, so fuck it (fuck it, fuck it)
Now she's tryna talk me out of it
Screaming, "Calm down, there's other ways to go about it
Sorry, I didn't believe you, why would I ever doubt it?
I'm comin' over now", like her presence would ever stop it, nah
I'm sittin' in my hoodie, sweat is pourin', and I'm nervous
Think of what I could be if everythin' was more perfect
Should I take the leap of faith? See no reason why I shouldn't
When this world only made me see and believe in what I couldn't
Damn, we almost didn't put through
And if we didn't, me and Parker wouldn't be talkin' to you
For all of you who come from broken heart and broken homes
Know that you're not lost, just 'cause you're a broken soul
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