For a Million Pounds
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Would you buy shares in Northern Rock?
No i wouldn't, definitely not
Would you kiss Verne Troyer on his midget's cock?
No I wouldn't, definitely not
Would you call the Krays a pair of cunts?
No I wouldn't, definitely not
Would you suck the goodness out a tramp's y-fronts?
No I wouldn't, definitely not
But what if i came up to you and offered you a millions pounds to do
something you wouldn't usually do?
What, like tread barefoot in dog's poo?
Yeah, I suppose
Alright i would, i fucking would
If you gave me a million pounds
I'd go on my knees and eat cock cheese
If you gave me a million pounds
Because i'd have a million pounds
Could you listen to Westlife for more than an hour?
Yes i could, for a million pounds
Would you let Pat Wicks give you a golden shower?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
Would you fill your pants up with broken glass?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
Would you suck a fart out of John Prescott's arse?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
I'd cut my cock off with a rusty saw
Have a pool party with Barrymore,
Eat raw offal from Beadle's claw
Do Anne Widdecombe bareback and not withdraw
For a million smackers I'd slice off my knackers
And sew em back on the other way round
He wouldn't care if he was spunking out backwards
Cos he'd have a million pounds
Yes i'd have a million pounds
Would you drink a glass of Freddie Mercury's jizz?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
Would you show Ainsley with your finger where his walnut is?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
Would you eat a little pebble of human shit?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
Would you kiss a bag lady on the clit?
Yes i would, for a million pounds
I'd cover up for Gary Glitter,
Eat a whole tray of cat litter
Poke some barbed wire up my shitter
Trust Jimmy Saville as me babysitter
I would, I fucking would
If you gave me a million pounds
Harold Shipman can have my nan
If he gave me a million pounds
Because i'd have a million pounds
I'd wed Vanessa Feltz and have her as my spouse
I'd let my kids sleepover at Michael Jackson's house
I'd shit up in the air, like a Japanese lady
I'd take an unprotected bumming off of Paul o'Grady
I'd drink a glass of period and smell Shane Mcgowan's breath
I'd leggit into an old people's home dressed up as death
I'd spend a day picking bits out of Jo Brand's twat
I'd be a spunk bucket hostage round Boy George's flat
I'd shoot Barack Obama, share a flat with Jeffrey Dahmer
I'd shag Shannon Matthew's mum in her gob then up the bum
I'd change my name to Fred West and start a club up for incest
I'd lick around the holes of Camilla Parker-Bowles
I would, I fucking would, if you gave me a million pounds
Cos I'd have a million pounds
Yes, I'd have a million pounds