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Why Can't The English?
Tinuke Olafimihan
,
Alec McCowen
,
Andre Mutis
,
Michael Denison
Popularity ยท Low
+
๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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YouTube
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
Ow!
A woman who utters such depressing and disgusting sounds has no
Right to be anywhereโno right to live! Remember that you are a
Human being with a soul and the divine gift of articulate speech
That your native language is the language of Shakespeare and Milton
And the Bible. And don't sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon!
Ow!
Look at her! A prisoner of the gutters. Condemned by every
Syllable she utters. By rights she should be taken out
And hung for the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue!
Ow!
Ow! Heavens, what a noise!
(Sung)
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Erm, Captain, I think you picked a poor example
Did I?
(Sung)
Hear them down in Soho Square
Dropping H's everywhere
Speaking English any way they like
"You, sir, did you go to school?"
What'd you tyke me for, a fool?
No one taught him "take" instead of "tyke"
(Sung)
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Garn
Garn! I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Ow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
(Sung)
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
I beg your pardon?
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to
Set a good example to people
Whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scots and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks are taught their Greek
In France, every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed
But the French never care what they do
Actually, as long as they pronounce it properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
The Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
Use proper English, you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak?
(Spoken)
You see this creature with her kerbstone Englishโthe English that
Will keep her in the gutter to the end of her days? Well, sir, in
Six months, I could pass her off as a duchess at an emissive ball
Here, what's that you say?
Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf
Ow! You don't believe that, Captain?
Oh, well, anything is possible
I myself am a student of Indian dialects
Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering, the author of Spoken Sanskrit?
I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?
Henry Higgins, author of Higgins' Universal Alphabet
I came from India to meet you
I was going to India to meet you. Where are you staying?
At the Carlton
No, you're not. You're staying at 27A Wimpole Street
Buy a flower, kind sir? I'm short for me lodgin'
Liar! You said you could change half a crown
You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought
Here, take the old bloomin' basket for sixpence
Ah, the church. A reminder. Indian dialects have
Always fascinated me. I have records of over fifty
So have you now. Did you know there are over two hundred?
By Jove!
Yes
Worse than
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