Joy-Con Drift
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I got that Joy-Con drift
What did I do to be bestowed this gift
All my controllers are like โDamn I wish
That I could also function like hot shitโ
None of my friends understand
Theyโre all like โWhat the fuck, man!?
This shit is clearly broken, get it repairedโ
But they just donโt respect
A joystick quirk
Where it doesnโt quite work
No, heโs not refusing to face it
That he canโt afford to replace it
I got that Joy-Con drift it doesnโt care if youโre goinโ straight
My left hand isnโt needed to move, so I can masturbate
The camera keeps going crazy but thatโs okay
I wanted to look up at the sky and slightly left anyway
He doesnโt really want that
He just heard if you send your Joy-Cons in to get fixed
You might not get them back
And he canโt risk his cute little mint color Animal Crossing sticks
Iโm gonna getโ woah, woah wait hold on
Hold on, woah
I donโt have Animal Crossing sticks
What are you talkโ whereโd you hear that from?
I heard it from your mother
You know she drinks, right?
Yeah, she told me when we were drunk
Hanging out together
Uh, what?
I think Iโm gonna be your new dad
Trevor, what the fuck
I invited you over to help me write this rap and this is how you tell me?
There was no good time
To tell you that Iโve been dating your mom
Iโm sorry, good buddy
I thought that it best that you heard it from me
Um what the fuck! Iโm confused more than I have ever been
I kinda forgot about that whole Joy-Con drift thing
Itโs too much that my best friend is now my patriarch
I wish my dad never died from being ate by a whale shark
I know itโs hard to take in
That your mom and I are banging twice a day, sometimes three times a day
I hope youโre not mistaking
That my attempts to bond with you are in a genuine fatherly way
I canโt believe this
First my Joy-Cons drift
And now my family
Yahhhh!
I canโt re-calibrate my dad to be alive
I canโt just remove four tri tips to fix insides
The graphite powder in my heart is wearing down
No hall sensing technology will stabilize this meltdown
Listen buddy, I know youโre going through a hard time so I got you these replacement
Joy-Con sticks. I know theyโre not the original, but if we open up the controller and make sure
weโre really respecting the craftsmanship, Iโm sure these new ones, though not perfect,
will give you what you need
Donโt got that Joy-Con drift anymore
Because of my stepdadโs gift and he swore
That if these Joy-Cons drift once again
That he would fix that shit right then
You know I got you buddy
Just like I got your mom when she said she wants to get reamed
And when youโre feeling cruddy
Iโll comfort you but not the way I comfort your mom when sheโs begginโ for cream
Uh huh. Yep. Thank you for that information. Awesome.
What if I was your Dad, though?
Youโre not, youโre not my dad.
OK