Withdrawal Symptoms
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I don't wanna die,
But the bottle is my home.
I don't want to be touched.
Is it my fault? Is it my fault?
Is it mine?
No.
No, no, no.
I could never find the words -
There's no cure for the awkward.
Drink until it hurts,
I'm embarrassed.
A gallon between me and the world.
My irresponsible responses:
Belligerent and impatient.
All adds to harm and foul; shame.
Cutting myself,
Displace my focus.
I am heaving, begging for space.
Bleeding, I'm torn by a different me.
To avoid the urge to complain,
I accept the blade.
Swallow the dirt.
It doesn't hurt,
Not when my thoughts are secured.
But I'm never secure.
Am I supposed to be?
I'm paranoid and I can't sleep
Kolonipain, liquor, and fate
Ingesting all of my mistakes.
Push them to the floor,
I couldn't keep them down.
Shaking and swelling.
I'm not convinced I deserve to be sober.
Chew on chunks of mirror
To show I really regret it.
I just want to be approached without the intent to disrobe.
The expectation to drink 'til I'm numb -
Ready to make you cum.
No one ever gave a shit.
I'm drunk,
I'm easy.
Between you and the reaper my body means nothing.
So take it and don't give it back.
I'm not sure it was mine to begin with.
All they ever seem to say - "you wanna fuck me?"
But hear that boil in my chest -
Don't fucking touch me.
I don't want it, I don't need it, it leaves me repeating.
My burning sensation, a bible, and a bottle in my pillow case.
I wish I was sleeping.
I can feel the burn.
I feel it burn.
And I'll feel it,
I feel it.
Don't wanna feel no more.
Forced to lay -
To keep peace in the bottle
Until the stench is vulgar.
I'm disgusting and I know it and I'm sorry but I can't stop.
I'm sorry.
Mama,
Love me.
Dead