On the Street
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It's weird, y'know?
I miss it sometimes, 'cuz drinking can kinda calm your nerves.
And I live in New York now,
And sometimes you'll see things that can make you anxious.
You see some troubling things out on the street.
I was coming into my apartment building one night,
And I saw, in front of my building,
A wheelchair knocked over on its side, with no one in it.
That's a bad thing to see.
Something happened there, you hope it was a miracle.
But probably not. Probably something worse.
And I don't like arguments.
Some people like to argue, y'know? They think it's like an art.
I don't like it.
I think it's because really ordinary arguments
Can get really dramatic really quickly.
Like, I was talking to a friend recently,
And I told him that I didn't think I believed in the death penalty.
And my friend said to me,
"Oh, so you're telling me, that if you saw Hitler,
Walkin down the street, you wouldn't kill him?"
That wasn't what I was telling you.
But alright, let's talk about this entirely new topic.
What would I do if I saw Adolf Hitler
Just, just walking down the street.
Well, first off, I wanted to know what did my friend mean?
Did he mean that I see a guy in like the military outfit,
With the little mustache?
'Cuz then I would assume that's someone dressed as Hitler.
I'm not gonna kill that guy.
I'm not gonna kill an actor, and ruin Indiana Jones 5,
Just 'cuz I don't understand costumes.
Or does he mean that I'm walking down the street
And I see like an old, old man who I think might be Hitler,
Based on my memory of what Hitler looks like?
I'm not gonna kill that guy either, because I am often wrong.
I'd murder him and then people'd run up and be like,
"Whoa! You just killed an old, old man!"
And I'd be like, "He looked like Hitler!"
And they're like, "Yeah, a little."