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Be Somebody Else
Jessica Boudreaux
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I wanna be somebody else
Don't think these wounds are gonna heal themselves
I dug in deep, I gave it all
Thought I found water, but it was salt
I wanna believe that we'll be 80-years-old on the porch swing
Time once felt certain, now it's diseased
It's the not knowing that's getting me
I wanna be somebody else for just a while to reset
Maybe then I could forget it all
Certain things are better to not know
I'll try to choose what I believe
Instead of picking apart what I need
Blind faith could surely get me far
But I'm grasping for any fucking ounce of control
I play my fear back on repeat
To find the spaces I don't need
Discarded names I couldn't keep
I tried 'em on, but I'm still me
Yeah, sure, I try to change my clothes
Pretend I care, strike a model's pose
They sniff me out, that's how it goes
That's how it goes, they always know
I wanna stand before the coals
Brilliantly hot under my soles
If pain could teach me about loss
Maybe it could get me down from this cross
I wanna believe things work out
I wanna feel my hope compound
To access kindness for myself
The kind of grace I've just tossed around
I play my fear back on repeat
To find the spaces I don't need
Discarded names I couldn't keep
I tried 'em on, but I'm still me
Yeah, sure, I try to change my clothes
Pretend I care, strike a model's pose
They sniff me out, that's how it goes
That's how it goes, they always know