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too much information [cause i'm the dad]
Bill Engvall
Popularity ยท Moderate
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Nobody told me that you could give a kid too much information
If your son or daughter asks you where do babies come from
They don't wanna know the medical stuff
They just wanna know it comes out of mama's tummy
That's all they wanna know
And my wife and I found this out on another subject one day
It was me and my wife in the front seat of the truck
My son was in the back seat
And we're just driving along
It's one of those rare quiet moments
When all of a sudden my son goes
"Daddy, what is petting?"
I'm like, "Poof! Geez, son, uh, hell, it's been so long
Apparently your mother wants me to explain it to you"
So I'm looking at him through the rearview mirror
And kind of over my shoulder at the same time
I said, "Well, son," I said, "When a man and a woman love each other
You know, like your mom and I do
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Well, they'll hold hands and they hug and they kiss
And sometimes, son, that's just not enough"
And he's looking at me with this really confused look
And I said, "Wait a minute, boy"
I go, "Spell the word"
And he goes, "P-E-D-X-I-N-G"
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"That'd be a crosswalk, son"
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And he goes, "I know, but what's that
Other thing you was talking about?"
I looked at my wife and she goes
"No, you threw the lure, you reel it in"
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He makes me laugh
The problem is my son makes me laugh
At stuff I'm not supposed to laugh at
'Cause I'm the dad, you know
It's like I took him to a Laker game this year
And it was great, just me and my son at the basketball game
I'm holding the Cokes and the popcorn
And there was a timeout on the floor
And the Laker Girls ran out there and was jumping around
And my eight-year-old son blurts out
"Yeah, shake that little thing"
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I said, "What?"
He goes, "Shake that little thing"
I snotted Coke out of my nose
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And it was a weird position to be in
Because on one hand I was proud
But on the other hand I'm thinking
"God, don't never say that to your mama
'Cause she'll know where you got that
Look, here's a hundred bucks
Just keep it between me and you, alright?"
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He had been playing baseball with his buddies
I guess he slid and got a little scrape on his rear end right there
You know, he came in, he was whining about
"Daddy, I got a scrape, got a scrape, got a scrape"
My wife said, "Well, go on in your room
Take your pants off and I'll come in
There and rub some ointment on it"
Well, I'm in his room talking to him
My wife's rubbing ointment on his butt
And he farts
I'm laughing
And my wife looked at him and said, "Travis"
And he turns to his mom and goes
"My compliments to the chef"
Okay, now I'm on the floor wetting myself
And my wife goes, "And you find that funny?"
I'm like, "No, no, that's not funny
That's awesome, man"
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But I got a great family, man
We do, this fact
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