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Irrevocability
MC Mr. Napkins
,
Zach Sherwin
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Irr-evo-ca-bi-li-ty
That's the word that defeated me
At the 1992 Ohio Spelling Bee
I can still feel the irony
Because irrevocability
Means you can't take something back
And I'd give anything I owned
If I could take just one more crack
At the word that I've spelled in my head
So many times since then
It's killing me
The Napkins learned at a very young age
About irra-irra-vo-ca-bi-li-ty
I wanna tell you all about how I got ixnayed
Picture Mr. Napkins back in the 6th grade
My hair was still straight 'cause I was prepubescent
I wore a jean jacket that I'd gotten as a Hanukkah present
And it seemed way cool
To my sheltered friends at my Jewish day school
Hebrew not Latin, Shalom not shillelaghs
More scary than nuns, our teachers were Israelis
So one day they announced a spelling bee
And I beat everybody else at my elementary
Went to regionals and before I knew what was happening
I was one of the top two
My opponent missed the word "cirrhosis"
And I was like, "Grandpa had that, I know this! Yes!"
And I took first place
And went on to states for my date with fate
So now we cut to me at the statewide bee
Which was in my hometown of Cincinnati
Kids everywhere like a horde of locusts
But I was trying to act like a Ford and focus
The top three would go to DC
And then compete nationally on TV
Specifically on ABC, which appropriately
Was the network that broadcast the spelling bee
I spelled 'til my vision was blurred
And persevered 'til it was me and three more nerds
I stepped forward when my turn occurred
I heard my word and I was like, "Word!"
I knew just what letters to say
And I looked those judges right in the eye
And said, "I-R-R-E-V-O-K
A-B-I-L-I-T-Y"
-BUZZER
Irr-evo-ca-bi-li-ty
The Lee Harvey Oswald to my Jack Kennedy
And the consolation prize that they gave to me
Was a Merriam-Webster's dictionary
Jeez, wow
How twisted and sadistic were they being?
It's like offering a free ski lesson to a guy
Who just fractured both of his legs skiing
And I'm still grieving
I can't fix that pain
It sticks into my memory
It's not I-R-R-E-V-O-K
It's I-R-R-E-V-O-C
I-R-R-E-V-O-C
I-R-R-E-V-O-C
I-R-R-E-V-O-C
I-R-R-E-V-O-C
I-R-R-E-V-O-C
This isn't funny, it's therapy!
Irr-evo-ca-bi-li-ty!
Ahh!