Death Stems

Artio & goodnighttheskye

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I've been spiral walking Compelled to search for wisdom in circles ever tightening Or called to seek the light from the depths of too much hibernating Call it what you like Call it finding the divide between safety and smothering Or prying at what lies between nourishing and suffocating Either way, I've been making a project of retreading my own footsteps But found only imperfect pathways refracting backwards through time Body yearning to push past new thresholds When the air is choked with the ghosts of old crossroads They are spider silk echoеs And the more I struggle, thе more they cling to my skin Wrap me oil slick opalescent and gossamer thin And they snag in my throat as I try to get better at breathing I am learning about building from the inside out Reconstructing myself from stones mined in the pit of my stomach Or dredged up from the lumps in my throat I am not afraid of creation My fingers shake with the work But no decay will find purchase on my unsteady foundations I will tear away any debris that keeps me from my centre Then use it to grow the walls that will one day shield my altar There is no glamour here I am not striving for opulence Come hail, hurricane, or history, I will be my own monument Because lately, I've been circle-swimming daily I keep wading into the same revelations and coming out green Bone-cold and waist-deep, ankles tangled in pondweed Sputtering always on the same skipping stone river rock Question, how often have I swallowed pollution? How many times have I corroded my throat just to keep the air clean? And sure, I've been in the habit of subsisting, asphyxiating But there is wisdom in knowing there's no growth without consumption And I am not the only glutton for oxygen in this ecosystem Most organisms will duplicate until they drive you to extinction And they will not mean to Like me, they are only doing what the myths in their synapses tell them to We are all cribbing from the same old fable That every cell that exhales is born knowing it must eat in the right light When algae blooms, it looks just like a blanket But all that softness is deceptive And the fact is there's not much difference Between a weight that drags you down and one that helps you sleep And to be honest, I've been cycle-steeping for weeks Thinking about how many habitats will be strengthened by my exit But I'm sick of sucking out the poison And not sticking round to reap the benefit Death stems from life and life from death, yes It wreathes through flesh, and bones are bleached, and the cycle never ends But there's no honour to be found in allowing yourself to be devoured At least not while your heart still beats, it's too easy Passing a season knee-deep in dark earth and calling that courage Or forcing the epilogue and white-knuckle wrestling the narrative I am noble, but that does not mean I must be sacrificial I will not fall on the first sword in the next woods I see I will not enjoy the pull of soft soil for longer than is healthy I may spiral, but I will not sink I will not write the last line ahead of time and call that peace As I am now, so you shall be For I am all I know and there is nothing wrong with me