Double Cross
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Tonight i will sit down on my bed to listen to my memory
Open up the gate to anything it has to say to me
Welcome all you buried pains into my loving arms
Just as long as you can promise you'll never again
Do any harm the way you've always done
It's all your fault, you learned all wrong
You evil baby, when i try to feel you always run
Why is it the tears they never come
Come on over, i am not holding a weapon
I'm just a desert
I'm a work of art
Look at all this progress
Watch me double-cross my heart
Eat and sleep and take professional advice
Starve all day and tangle up your sheets at night
Listen to the angels of your better nature
Turn the sirens off to prove you're not in danger
Shaking hands lifting the coffee to your lips
Use the brave face that you put on for the kids
Exercise and put the sun lamp on full blast
Work through problems like a crowbar works through glass
'Cause i'm an empty vessel
I'm so fucking smart
I know just what to tell you
Double, double, double-cross my
If there's better i'm the worse it has to get
If there's movement i'm the ache in every step
If there's mending i'm the place the needle stabs
If there's healing i'm the skin beneath the scab
And i don't know how i need to be, need to be, need to
Is there any water here to be found
I am so, so, so thirsty, i'm so thirsty, i'll drink
Anything, anything, anything
I'll drink blood, i'll drink my ugly blood
Tonight i'm gonna draw another bath & watch some bad tv
Pretend to love myself like you pretend to love your enemy
Wash hair, dry face, make bed, clean clothes
Get up, work out, push through, crack jokes
Self-care, fake-out, take that, here goes
Shrink, drug, walk, fuck, run, hide, breathe, pose