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Sorry! I'm A Murder Hobo
Dominik Witka
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Let me tell ya 'bout the game we play
Roll the dice, we're on our way
A peaceful quest, a friendly town
But when I show up, it all goes down!
What's a murder hobo, you ask? Well, it's simple
No house, no home, just blades and fire
Killin' everything, that's my desire!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Didn't mean to cause a scene, but here we go, though!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Roll for initiative, it's time for the show!
The party walks into a quiet inn
Talkin' 'bout ale and where to begin
But I see that barkeep, eyeing me wrong
Next thing you know, he's gone with the gong!
The party screams, "We just wanted a drink!"
But here I am, not even a blink!
Gold on the counter, loot in my sack
Sorry guys, there's no turning back!
You wanna solve it nice, maybe talk it out
But me? I'd rather take the violent route
Every NPC looks like XP
Why talk when the sword sets me free?
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Didn't mean to cause a scene, but here we go, though!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Roll for initiative, it's time for the show!
We're in a village, it's peaceful and sweet
You all want to help, I'm lookin' for heat!
The mayor's talkin', offerin' a quest
But all I hear is, "Loot his chest!"
I know, I know, I should hold it back
But my dagger slips, and it fades to black!
The townsfolk run, but I've got my mace
Guess we're leavin' now without a trace!
You wanted diplomacy, maybe just a chat
But murder's my method, imagine that!
The peaceful ways, they just ain't for me
Why be a hero, when chaos is free?
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Didn't mean to cause a scene, but here we go, though!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Roll for initiative, it's time for the show!
We're in the dungeon, sneaking slow
Y'all say, "Talk," but I say, "No!"
See that guard? Yeah, he's in my way
Sword comes out, he's done for the day!
They say, "We could've bluffed our path!"
But my sword says, "Feel my wrath!"
Another quest, another life
Sorry friends, it's time for the strife!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Didn't mean to cause a scene, but here we go, though!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
Roll for initiative, it's time for the show!
I know, I know, I should stay cool
But bloodlust hits, I'm breakin' the rule!
Sorry! I'm a murder hobo!
I can't help it, it's just my flow!