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The Laboratory Has Been Locked For Three Hours Solid
William S. Burroughs
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The laboratory has been locked for three hours solid
I think they're using it for an operating room
Nurse: "I can't find her pulse, doctor."
Dr. Benway looks around and picks up one of those rubber vacuum cups
At the end of a stick they use to unstop toilets
He advances on the patient
"Make an incision, Dr. Limp," he says to his appalled assistant
"I'm going to massage the heart."
Dr. Limp shrugs and begins the incision
Dr. Benway washes the suction cup
By swishing it around in the toilet bowl
Nurse: "Shouldn't it be sterilized, doctor?"
"Very likely, but there's no time."
He sits on the suction cup like a cane seat
Watching his assistant make the incision
"You young squirts couldn't lance a pimple
Without an electric vibrating scalpel
With automatic drain and suture
Soon we'll be operating by remote control
On patients we never see
We'll be nothing but button-pushers
All the skill is going out of surgery
All the know-how and make do
Did I ever tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy
With a rusty sardine can?
And once I was caught short without instrument one
And removed an uterine tumor with my teeth
That was in the upper offendi, and besides-
"The incision is ready, doctor."
Dr. Benway forces the cup into the incision
And works it up and down
Blood spurts all over the doctors, the nurse and the wall
The cup makes a horrible sucking sound
"I think she's gone, doctor."
Dr. Benway: "Well, it's all in a day's work."
He walks across the room to a medicine cabinet
"Some fucking drug addict's cut my cocaine with Sani-Flush
Nurse! Send a boy out to fill this Rx on the double