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A Musical
Brad Oscar, Brian d'Arcy James & Rotten Ensemble
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Lyrics
Original
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What the hell are musicals?
(It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops)
(And the plot is conveyed through song)
Through song?
(Yes)
W-wait, so an actor is saying his lines and then
Out of nowhere, he just starts singing?
(Yes)
Well that is theโ
Stupidest thing that I have ever heard
You're doing a play, got something to say
So you sing it? It's absurd!
Who on earth is going to sit there
While an actor breaks into song
What possible thought could the audience think
Other than, "This is horribly wrong!"
Remarkably... They won't think that
(Seriously? Why not?)
Becauseโit's a...
Musical
A musical
And nothing's as amazing as a musical
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And happy endings happening by happenstance
Bright lights, stage fights, and a dazzling chorus
You wanna be great? Then you gotta create a musical!
I don't know; I find it hard to believe
People would actually pay to see something like this
Let's just say it's a Saturday night and you wanna go out on the town
Got a lady to flatter who might give it up if you don't let her down
You could go see a tragedy, but that wouldn't be very fun
Or a play from Greek mythology
See a mother have sex with her son
Eugh!
You could see a dramaโwith all of that trauma and pain
Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain
Go see a...
Musical
A musical
A puppy piece, releasing all your blues-icals
Where crooners croon a catchy tune
And limber-legged ladies thrill you 'til you swoon
Ooh's, ahh's, big applause
And a standing ovation
The future is bright if you could just write a musical
Some make you happy
Some make you sad
Some are quite big
Some quite small
Some are too long
Some are just plays with song
Some musicals have no talking at all
(No talking at all?)
That's rightโthere's no talking
All of the dialogue is sung
In a very dramatic fashion
(Um, really?)
Yes, really
(There's no talk-)
There's no talking
And they often stay on one note for a very long time
So that when they change to a different note
You notice
And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect
But mostly you just sit there asking yourself
"Why aren't they talking?"
(Sounds miserable)
I believe it's pronounced "Misรฉrables"
(And people actually like this?)
No, they love it; and what's not to love!
It's such a delightโthere's nothing quite like a musical
Oh, another vision! I haven't even told you the best part yet!
Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet
Whoa, whoa... woo-hoo! (Uh, what is that?)
Feel your ass gyrating to that titillating beat
(Whoa, are you okay?)
You slap your lap, then finger snap
That's when you know it's time to tap
Oh!
(What the hell are you doing now?)
It's called a dance break
Apparently this happens in musicals as well
People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance
(Why? Does it advance the plot?)
No
(Advance character?)
Not necessarily
(Then why do it?)
Becauseโit's entertaining!
Five, six, seven, eight!
ย
Another vision!
It's a musical! Whatayatalk, whatayatalk?
It's a musical! A Seussical?
No, a musicalโwith girls on stage
(A musical)
We've got snappy repartee
And the women are risquรฉ
And the chorus boys are kinda gay
(A musical)
A true, blue, newโ
Musical!
ย
Stand back, it's a musical!
Some musicals are very serious
A big, glittering musicalโa musical
It's a mu-si-cal for us!
A big and shiny, mighty fine-y
Glitter, glitz, and chorus line-y
Bob your head and shake your hineyโmusical
It's a musical
(It's a musical)
It is a musical!
(It's a musical!)
Yes! I get it now!
We'll do a musical
(No kidding!)
A musical
What could be more amazing than a musical!
With song and dance, and sweet romance
And with a musical we might have half a chance
Ooh's, ahh's, big applauseโwith everyone cheering for us
ย
And for some unexplainable reason
The crowd goes wild every time
When dancers kick in unison
In one big wonderful line
And then you got yourself a musical
A musical
A la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Palooz-ical
With flashy style and a big fake smile
A snazzy band, some jazzy handsโI swear that I'll
Cross my heart, hope to die
If it isn't a doozy
Take it from me
They'll be flocking to see
Your star-lit, won't quit
Big hit musical!
ย
A big hit musical!
ย