Suddenly New Zealand
FASCINATING AIDA
Popularity ยท Low
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When you're lying awake
With a dismal headache
And repose is tabooed by anxiety
It is hardly surprising
If you're agonising
Considering modern society
There are terrible dangers
From horrible strangers
Whose every intention is criminal
There are counterfeit healers
And ecstasy dealers
Who thrive 'cause policing is minimal
We've got underage nooky
And lads playing hooky
Who lurk around corners to mug us
And there's proddies and papists
And robbers and rapists
With tabs of Rohypnol to drug us
On the streets you take fright
At the menacing sight
Of graffiti in French and Cyrillic
And behind curtains drawn
People downloading porn
Or indulging in tastes paedophilic
Though the threats are tremendous
The law won't defend us
And don't even think of resistance
So before it's too late
Let us all emigrate
To a very much better existence
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem so boring
Suddenly New Zealand
Seems attractively remote
Lots of sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And the occasional goat
So you're lying in bed
And the thoughts in your head
Return to your present condition
A beastly fanatic
Plans something dramatic
To send us all off to perdition
From some part of the globe
Comes a chap in a robe
And a headdress he looks very nice in
But beneath his djellaba
The fellow may harbour
A lethal container of ricin
He's so fundamental
He hasn't seen Yentl
And preaches demonic polemic
He wants each infidel
To descend into Hell
With a dose of bubonic systemic
In his safe sleeper cell
He blends in very well
With his suitably quiet demeanour
While he's learning to fly
He is living close by
In a bedsit above your dry cleaner
We know what we must do
'Cause the world that we knew
Is vanishing like the poor dodo
There's a good life to be had
Away from the jihad
As neighbours of Bilbo and Frodo
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem so dreary
Suddenly New Zealand
Seems to suit us rather well
Lots of hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And hills and dales
And the occasional Dell
Well you still cannot sleep
And you suffer loud grief
As these terrible visions all trouble you
It's no wonder you're glum
There is worse yet to come
As you've guessed, I refer to George W
Yes he is on course
To use maximum force
For a better world order's his aim here
When he's done with Iraq
He'll put up a blue plaque
Saying "This was once Mesopotamia"
If he sticks to the text
North Korea is next
And we'll watch it on footage that's grainy
Then Iran, Pakistan, oh and Azerbaijan
Will be totalled by Rumsfeld and Cheney
No you won't see him falter
As Jersey and Malta
Are governed from South Carolina
And on Saturday week
In a fit of sheer pique
He will launch an invasion of China
With Blair in his kennel
This prince among men'll
Ensure that just one thing is certain
The UN and EU
And of course NATO too
Will be gone for a Haliburton
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem so tedious
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem like such a dud
Lots of springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
Springs and geysers
And a lot of hot mud
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem so numbing
Suddenly New Zealand
Is awash with many charms
Lots of plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
Plots and homesteads
And a lot of nice farms
Suddenly New Zealand
Doesn't seem so boring
Suddenly New Zealand
Seems attractively remote
Lots of sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And sheep and lambs
And the occasional goat