Skip to content
Lyric
Dive
Public playlists
My playlists
Search
Sign in
I Love TV
John Caparulo
Popularity ยท Low
+
๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
0
0
Listen
YouTube
1
2
3
0:00 / 0:00
Loading YouTube player...
Lyrics offset
Synced
Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
I love TV
I can't live without TV
I watch everything
I love infomercials, documentaries
You know what they- I love Discovery
I don't know what it is, they get me every time
I just wanna watch TV
Ten minutes into it I'm like "God, I'm learning"
I didn't mean to learn
You know what they get me with every time?
Loch Ness
I don't even know why I care
It's not like he's coming to get us
Every time, "Searching for Loch Ness, next on Discovery"
Oh, fuck me, I can't leave
And I know I'm gonna be disappointed
Every show ends the same way
It was a two hour show and you said something scary was coming up
"Maybe we'll find him next time"
You're not gonna fucking find him next time either
Why'd you have a new show if you haven't made any goddamn progress?
You know you're not gonna find him
It's the same thing every time
It's just four different dudes in a boat going
"Yeah, he's not over here either, I don't know where he is"
"Hey, go get the grabber, I think I got something"
I can't live without TV
I love TV
Like my cable went out, that's like being stuck on an island
'Cause they don't care
You call the cable company, they don't care
I'm like "Yeah, I got fuzz, can you do something?"
"Well, we can't come out tonight, haha
We can come out on Monday between 10 AM and Thursday
You gonna be home?"
"Yeah, I'll probably be home"
That's not the point
Then they start asking dumb questions like it's my fault
Like you ever get on the phone with customer
Service and they ask you the dumbest shit possible?
Like I wouldn't have thought of that before I called and sat on
Hold for four hours listening to Hall & Oates' greatest hits
"Is your TV plugged in?"
I will fucking stab you, alright? I swear to God
Who unplugs the TV, ever?
You plug it in once and it stays that way 'til you move, alright?
Nobody unplugs the TV
"Oh yeah, I was gonna turn it off with the remote
Control and I thought 'Nah, I don't really trust that TV'
So yeah, I better cut off his lifeline before I go to sleep '
Cause I'm an idiot and I like resetting the goddamn menu every day
Yeah, English, channels, fuck"
"Calm down, sir"
That's what I always get, "Calm down, sir, it's not an emergency"
Yeah, that's where you're wrong, fucking Judy, alright?
It is an emergency
I don't have any TV
It's not like the water, I could live without
Stupid fucking water for days, alright?
I don't have any TV
What if they find Loch Ness and I'm not there, alright?
I got bigger problems than you realize
It's a big deal, Judy
I hate it, and I can't fix anything
I don't know how to fix anything
I don't know if it's my generation or just me
'Cause we didn't have shop class
I can't fix shit
Like when I was a kid, my dad fixed everything
He broke other shit in the process, but he fixed it, you know?
Like he'd fix my car, "Yeah, I changed your brakes
But you ain't got no windshield wipers now"
"What the hell happened to my windshield wipers?"
"Don't fucking worry about it, alright?
Look, if it rains, take a rag, alright?"
"I need- I needed a screw"
"But you couldn't find a screw anywhere except my windshield wipers?"
"Look, you ain't paying me enough to care"
"I'm not paying you at all, you're my dad, holy shit"
I hated when he would work on stuff, you know?
'Cause I always had to be the gopher, like, 'cause
I was the only son, so I'd always have to help him
I'd try to do anything to get out of that
I'd try to hide, my mom would come and find me
"Why don't you go help your dad?"
"I'd rather try on dresses than help him with this shit"
'Cause it's gonna suck, I know it's gonna suck
"Maybe you can learn something"
I never learned anything from helping my-
You know what I learned from helping my dad?
I learned how to hold the light and get fucking yelled at, alright?
One time he let me pick up a wrench, one time
He's like "Here, you wanna do something? Loosen this bolt"
And I'm like
"You can't get it, can you?"
I'm like "No"
"'Cause you're a pussy, that's why"
I'm like "Oh, I thought it was 'cause I'm nine
But alright, however you wanna spin this"
That's the weird part, that's what scares me about parenting
I mean, I don't have kids or any close
Prospects of having kids anytime soon, but
You know, like, nobody teaches you really how to parent
Everybody figures out their own method, you know?
My dad, it was, you know, he just made you afraid to ask for shit
You know, like, you ever go on vacation
With your family, you're in the backseat
"Dad, can we stop? I gotta pee"
"Why didn't you pee the last time I stopped?"
"'Cause it was yesterday, that's why I didn't
Pee the last time you stopped, what the hell?"
He's always fixing something, you know?
He always is
You know, and that's the thing, it's like
You know, I don't- I don't do anything
He's always, it's always me
'Cause he's cheap, that's why
You know? Like I go home now, you know, they still
Live in the same house I grew up in, you know?
It's cold as fuck in their house
He still won't let me touch the thermostat
Like I don't know when it's cold
Like I go to turn it up, he's like "
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?"
"Uh, shivering? What do you think I'm doing? It's cold"
Then he puts it on me, "Oh, sorry, Mr. California
Got a little thin skin out there, huh?"
I'm like "It's on fucking seven, alright? Why's it on seven?
The refrigerator doesn't go to seven, why's it on seven?"
"I ain't paying to heat the whole goddamn neighborhood"
"You ain't heating no fucking living room either, it's cold
I can see your breath right now
Here's a twenty, can I have heat while I'm here? Jesus Christ"
"You're gonna have to work someday"
That's what he always tells me, he still tells me that now
"You're gonna have to work someday"
And that shit still hasn't happened
ย