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I Believe
Trey Parker & Matt Stone
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Ever since I was a child
I tried to be the best
So what happened?
My family and friends
All said I was blessed
So what happened?
It was supposed to be all so exciting
To be teaching of Christ across the sea
But I allowed my faith to be shaken
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed to help the needy
To do the things I never dared
This was the time for me to step up
So then why was I so scared?
A warlord who shoots people in the face
What's so scary about that?
I must trust that my Lord is mightier
And always has my back
Now I must be completely devout
I can't have even one shred of doubt
I believe that the Lord God created the universe
I believe that He sent His only Son to die for my sins
And I believe that ancient Jews built boats and sailed to America
I am a Mormon
And a Mormon just believes
You cannot just believe partway
You have to believe in it all
My problem was doubting the Lord's will
Instead of standing tall
I can't allow myself to have any doubt
It's time to set my worries free
Time to show the world what Elder Price is about
And share the power inside of me
I believe that God has a plan for all of us
I believe that plan involves me getting my own planet
And I believe that the current President of the Church, Thomas Monson, speaks directly to God
I am a Mormon
And dangit, a Mormon just believes
I know that I must go and do
The things my God commands
I realize now why He sent me here
If you ask the Lord in faith
He will always answer you
Just believe in Him and have no fear
(General, we have an intruder. He just walked right into camp.)
I believe that Satan has ahold of you
I believe that the Lord God has sent me here
And I believe that in 1978 God changed His mind about black people
You can be a Mormon
A Mormon who just believes
(What the fuck is this?)
And now I can feel the excitement
This is the moment I was born to do
And I feel so incredible
To be sharing my faith with you
The scriptures say that if you ask in faith
If you ask God Himself, you'll know
But you must ask Him without any doubt
And let your spirit grow
I believe that God lives on a planet called Kolob
I believe that Jesus has His own planet as well
And I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri
If you believe, the Lord will reveal it
And you'll know it's all true, you'll just feel it
You'll be a Mormon
And, by gosh, a Mormon just believes
I believe
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