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Snot, the Original Rubber Cement
George Carlin
Popularity ยท Moderate
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Snot is universal
There are some things that work in, in comedy because they are universal
Because they're things we all definitely know about, man
But we don't always talk about
Snot is way down the list of priorities, man, if you ever, you know
Invariably, if you find yourself talking about snot to a friend
There are some other topics you've missed
So somebody's gotta tell ya
What you already know that, that's fun to think about
First of all, snot is the original rubber cement, right?
Thumb and forefinger, heavy friction, try to toss one away
They won't go, you gotta wait
You gotta put it in your other hand and dirty up your fingers
Then it goes, "Whoo," and they never make a noise
When a little snot lands, just goes
Just like that, no one ever knows
Snot landed nearby a house today
I threw it out a car
Did you ever pick your nose and have a guy walk around the corner?
"Hi, Bill! How are ya? Shake your hand"
"My right arm is paralyzed, like I-"
"Ugh, oh, that's okay"
"Why don't you put that thing back in your nose and come into my office?"
"Put it behind your ear and get in there"
Actually, you can put them back in your nose
A lot of people, when they are stuck for a place to put one
They don't think they can put it back!
They're viable for four hours after picking, after that, it's a struggle, but, uh
Put it on in there, but don't jar it loose, they come out there
You gotta sit still the first hour or so
But we never think of that stuff, man
It's a release, you know, it's a, yeah
Snot is also camouflage-colored
Nature in its wisdom, it's camouflage, the color of the land
It's your basic off-greens and off-browns, huh? (Oh)
Green? Give me those, depending on what you have
And uh, imagine if snot was fluorescent, dayglow mucus!
There'd be no place to hide them
See, the camouflage is good, color of your fur-, trees, and wood furniture
Where are you gonna put a fluorescent snot, man?
You gotta go down to the head shop and wipe it on a poster
Huh, sure!
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