Ron White - Erectile Dysfunction & Dieting Tips
Blue Collar Comedians
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Uh, my wife and I took a tour bus into town
And my wife had never been to Washington, D.C. before
And we were crossing the Potomac, and she said, what's that building?
And I said, well, it was a Hooters during the Clinton administration
Then they turned it back into the Lincoln Memorial
And now it's a Cracker Barrel, so welcome
I almost got ran over today by a mobile paper shredding unit
I'm in Georgetown, they got them on every street
These gigantic evidence getter-ritter-rubbers
Can you call them up if you got a body you don't need around?
My wife had been in Europe for three weeks
And she left two days after Valentine's Day
And for Valentine's Day, I was going to take her to see Brokeback Mountain
And it was sold out, so we're going to go see it tomorrow
And Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are both
Amazing actors, and if you've seen the movie, don't ruin it for me
I don't want to know which one plays the sheep
In fact, I'm actually writing a movie right now
About my recent 'bout with erectile dysfunction
Called Broke Dick Fountain
I'm getting ready to film this movie
Everybody's like, you've got to go on a diet, man
You've got to lose some weight, you've got to look better
You got be tenner, you got to look better
I might look fairer, I'm 50 years old
Let me drinking like a fish for 30 years, what do you want?
I've been on this diet, man, I'm getting dieting tips from skinny people
My mother weighs 80 pounds, here is her tip
Drink a lot of water, you'll be less hungry
You know what happens if you drink a lot of water?
You will be less thirsty
Just as I suspected would be the case
I still look okay sometimes because I wear really expensive suits
And if you drape 5,000 dollar worth of clothes over a pile of crap
It looks all right, look bad naked, though
Ain't no hiding that, is there?
The only person that knows what I look like naked right now
Which is the worst I've ever looked, is my wife
And she has to have sex with me, and she makes me wear the suit
I cut a little hole right here, I come in low under the radar