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Deaf Protest
Lisa Lampanelli
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So check it out. You will die. I actually had my first protest last
Year. Worst group ever. Deaf. Fucking deafs. See what had happened
Was. When you do a concert, you call in to the local radio station
Six weeks in advance to promote your show. I call up to Rochester
New York and he says, "Who do you make fun of?" I said, "Everybody
Blacks, chinks, jew bastards, corn holers, blind, deaf." And he goes
"Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! You can't make fun of deaf people. We
Have a very big deaf college up here." And I said, "Hey. I don't know
About all that. But what I do know is deaf people ain't really deaf
They're retards. Trying to give themselves an upgrade. Not even a
Joke, just a fact." So I forget the whole incident. I turn up at the
Radio station six weeks later. I am not lying. There are fifteen deaf
Douchebags protesting the radio station with signs and banners which
Were not in braille so screw you racist against blind deaf douche
Cocks. Now yous people are smart so, uh, follow my chain of thought
Deaf people got mad at me because I made fun of them on the radio
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Who the fuck told them? Some blind crotch blocker with an axe to
Grind. Now trust me. Nobody likes controversy more than LL. But how
Can I put this gently, as is my way? Um. Deaf people ain't exactly
The best folks to give you a nice sound bite for your MySpace video
Seriously, man, the news cunt was there and she was like, "Hey
Deaf number one. Why do you hate Lisa Lampenelli?" Excuse me, young
Frankenstein, could you freaking repeat yourself? But you know what
Folks? I let it go. 'Cause I learned two valuable lessons that night
First of all, I learned that I don't care if deaf people don't like
Me because they're not exactly my target audience for selling CDs to
And second, I learned a very important deaf international symbol
That night. Now as you know, one of my favorite words is the C-word
My two favorite words are the C-word and the N-word. In fact, my
New single, "Cunt, Cunt, Nigger, Nigger, Cunt," is going to be
Dropping tomorrow. Timbaland is doing the backing track. I love me
Some Timbaland. So the deaf people taught me the deaf international
Symbol for the C-word and I would like to share that with you tonight
Because I'm not only about entertainment, I'm about education. Okay
So everybody put your hands together like this. I know, faggots
It's gross, it's horrible. Like, "Ahhh! I just threw up a little."
It really does look that, like that. And by the way, girls, don't
You hate when you go to shave it and you're going for a little Dorito
Shape and all of a sudden the razor slips and you got a rhomboid or
A pentagram or something? Then you gotta shave the whole thing and
Suddenly you got a wood floor and every guy you fuck is like, "Wow
That's hot." And you're like, "Ew, you're a molester. I hate you
Ahh." Okay, so here we go. Everybody put your hands like this and
You have to add the sound effect. Don't worry, it's nothing gross
Like "slurp." That's the sound of a faggot farting. Look at the Asian
Bitches making origami out of it. Calm down. Make it horizontal to
Match the eyes there. Any Jews, make it like this, like
A clam so she can feel something. Here we go now. We will
Add the sound effect. One, two, three. "Ding, ding, ding
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding."
Sir, how oversized is her stuff? You made a rectangle
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