Sharing Is Caring (Original Trilogy Box Set)
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I log onto Facebook sometimes
And it's telling me your gallery's updated but five
Hundred of your pictures are the same, it looks like
You're pissed up every day with your mates at club nights
And I hate to be uptight, but I just find
It a shame you're afraid of the sunlight
And why do people never quite look like
Their profile picture they pick for the front?
Why it's funny what the camera does to you
That must be why you're stood by someone fatter and uglier
So you look better in comparison, but it's apparent that
You're shallow and that that's what you've done here
Nah - you look absolutely fabulous
So let's have a game of Scrabulous
Mafia Wars! Mafia Wars!
How many times do I have to click ignore?
I didn't want to play it when you asked me before
So what the hell are you still asking me for?
If only there was an application
That let me smash your face in
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss?
It says this forever: "sending... sending..."
Exactly after you've said something
Regretful it's essential it gets corrected
Like: I was chatting to my friend and said this
"Let's get together, for a bevvy this weekend, Chris"
But cos it only sent the first section
He gets the impression there's sexual tension
Now there's an extra dimension to friendship
I didn't expect, and flipping heck, did I mention
I hate the rate of your inane status updates?
I couldn't give a (pop) you've just baked some cupcakes
If you wouldn't tell me in the pub to my face
Why would I want it cluttering my front page?
Some days I'm amazed to witness
The shitness of other people's daily business
And I'm sick with these lazy idiots
"I lost my phone, can you post up your digits?"
They say if it exists, there's porn of it
Well now there's also a Facebook wall for it
"If a million people join this group
Then I'll call my first born boy Sue"
"Oi you, are you coming to my concert?"
"Well I would, but I'm on another continent"
Every time I log on there's a berk
Who's certain he's an entrepeneur, sir
You don't understand, I won't become a fan
Of your club promoter brand or Stones cover band
If you're looking for fans you need another plan
Stop spamming us with your rubbish ads
On the other hand, if you're watching this
Click on the link and become a fan of Dan
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss?
It must be productively harmful
When there's less farmers on farms than on Farmville
"I'm milking a cash cow for sheep, wanna buy some?"
I'm thrilled, can you see my excitement?
These ads are leaving me frightened
How can they see I need my teeth whitened?
Now the security's been tightened
It's even easier to peek at your private
Details, "just provide us your e-mail
We'll make your penis three times the size"
And hiding's not an option, this is social
Global is the new local
Applications, invitations
Poking, open relations
If it's a complicated situation
You won't fix it with switching your status
Suggesting I add a lad that went to my class
I haven't met since reception, why dredge up the past?
"We should reconnect, we haven't spoke in a while"
I know, that's cause I find you totally vile
If we met now, we'd both run a mile
So why's this bloke on my file?
Next time I'm asked "what's on my mind?"
I might just click in the box and reply
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss?
I check out my Twitter feed occasionally
And the shit I see's basically make believe
Peeps claim it's the place to be
But that amazes me, because it tastes of wee
All the food for thought here's the sort to damage you
If it was a restaurant, I'd talk to the manager
Quick, Twitpic, you should have brought your camera
Now breaking a story's a sport for amateurs
And if it's a case of the more the merrier
How witty can you be in 140 characters?
In the days of broadband
I really would have thought that you could have more than that
"Dan, give up the ridiculous voice because you're missing the point
And you're a twat!"
Fair enough, that's freedom of speech
But I wouldn't have thought that from reading your tweets
'Cause each of them seems to be equally
Meaningless sequences of ceaseless frequency
So could you please have the decency
To give your private life a tiny bit of secrecy?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss?
Once upon a time I was fond of Dom Joly
Before I saw him come across as a dumb wally
He can't cope with the folks that provoke him
And so now Dom's gone off his damn trolley
And that's the folly of the modern celebrity
Act like a twat and everybody sees
I try to be nice, but my mind's in a cycle
Of retweets, e-heaps of shite to recycle
But aside from the gripes, it's a quite good site
Though a far flight from the times of the typewriter
Typing "lol looks like a TIE Fighter"
Can acquire more followers than the Pied Piper
My favorite pastime is pasting the at sign
Before peoples' names and then making up crap rhymes
Aw, that's nice
Nah, I'm just another gasbag with a hashtagged gag in the tagline
You might be thinking "Dan, leave", I try
But I keep coming back like Stephen Fry
For a sneak peek into Mr. Bieber's life
From the feedback you'd see that he's the Messiah
But if Jesus Christ preached gospel on Twitter
I believe that the Bible'd be a lot thicker
Even the scribes couldn't even describe
With e-readers, they need to jot quicker
What literary miscellany is there if there's any
We can literally lift from the litany of lists
That are littered ten a penny through the interwebby?
It's a very, very, very, very, little bit shit, innit?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss, or is there something I've missed?
600 million people like me like this
Are you taking the piss?
I'm havin' trouble with Google+ (Aah!)
'Cause I don't know who to trust
Twitter? Facebook? Two's enough
Do we need another place for stupid stuff? (No!)
Remember MySpace? It was a nice place
'Till Facebook made it a giant waste
Now MySpace Tom uses Google
So it's clear which one's more useful (Hah!)
1 + 1 is 2, but if you only get one +1, it's poo
Lots of filters for content anew
But there's not one that tells us what bit is true
It's doubtful to me, I can helpfully glean that
From the crap movin' up and down on my screen
I've run out of steam with the amount in my stream
But in cyberspace, who can tell when you scream?
600,000,000 people like me, like this
Are ya takin' the piss or is there something I've missed?
600,000,000 people like me, like this
Are ya takin' the piss?
My social ties are total lies
But I'm too tied in to show you why
I'm totally fly when I socialise
I've got a bigger Circle than the goatse guy
Though, I'm uncertain how Circles work
Is it some kind of circle jerk?
'Cause it seems to me that the Hangout
Is just the place for good mates to get their wang out (Woo!)
Hang about, I don't want to stand out
I'm just tryin' to protect my ring like Gandalf (Hah!)
And nowadays, stayin' private's an art
Michaelangelo's David's private parts
Couldn't be more on view than you
So I might as well use my googlies as a Google Doodle
When Google don't know what I'm Googlin'
They know my shoe size, my bowel movements and the mood I'm in
The bits I miss when I do the hooverin'
And with whom I'm canoodlin'
Never mind recycling, move me to the loony bin
If Google's the future, then losers are รbermensch
600,000,000 people like me, like this
Are ya takin' the piss or is there something I've missed?
600,000,000 people like me, like this
Are ya takin' the piss or is there something I've missed?
600,000,000 people like me, like this
Are ya takin' the piss?