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Imminent Collapse

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How could I do this a thousand times And still look you in the eye with the same excuses I've tried to let my faith rely on the strength of better men Who are capable and rid of the vile Worship comes in waves of self entitlement What comes next is calculated carnage Give me the knife Cut my only desire Deaf dumb wasted and tired Yet you're here choosing union of flesh and a child Here's my escape from the world I think I'll stay here for awhile Remember my name, the curse that I owned Carved in this ever fading stone It wasn't our time, so take this advice Never regret the times you felt alive We both die a million different lives With each word that hangs across the air So putrid with a million different lies It's me, it's not your fight It's a war of broken hemispheres And trenches deep enough to bury light Light comes in abandonment of walls we build Breaking through each selfish brick of solitude Show me the right way down this miserable path Without the need of collapse Of the mind of the body of secrets I've kept Here now I'll give it a chance... But I won't give it my best So let's lay this all to rest So we both know that there's No coming back from this What if I decide that I am done with The daily battle of the vices And self inflict as many wounds As relapses I kept hid There's no escaping what you're born with As compulsive as I'm imbalanced You tried your best to be the strength that I Don't deserve for a lifetime