The Drunken Beholder
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Stumble in from the dungeon, your hit points are sore
Check your axe at the counter, no swords through the door
The rogue's swipin' coppers, the bard's got no shame
He's flirtin' with a barstool-oh shit, it's a mimic again
At the Drunken Beholder, where the chaos don't stop
Your d20's a traitor, rolls a one and you flop
The barkeep's got initiative, healers drink free
Raise a tankard to madness, it's the tavern for me
Halfling is swipin' your gold with a grin
Paladin's preachin' 'bout cleansin' your sin
No grapplin' allowed, or you're out on your ass
And dwarf-tossin's banned-yeah, that fad didn't last
At the Drunken Beholder, where the chaos don't stop
Your d20's a traitor, rolls a one and you flop
The barkeep's got initiative, healers drink free
Raise a tankard to madness, it's the tavern for me
No castin' when drunk, or you're doomed to regret
Last warlock's last hiccup summoned some Eldritch pet
No dwarves takin' flight, no grapples, you fool
Or the necromancer owner will summon a ghoul
An orc starts a brawl, now the tables are toast
Barb tried tossin' a dwarf, got a ban and a ghost
The bard's serenadin' a mimic-shaped keg
And sorcerer's wild magic turned your boots into eggs
'Midst the chaos and ale, there's a clue to be found
On a napkin of fate, scribbled runes so profound
The rogue's stealin' your fries, but you spot the D.M.'s hint
In the barfight's mad haze, it's the quest's missing glint
At the Drunken Beholder, where the chaos don't stop
Your d20's a traitor, rolls a one and you flop
The barkeep's got initiative, healers drink free
Raise a tankard to madness, it's the tavern for me
So swing your last mug, let the madness ignite
At the Drunken Beholder, you're screwed but polite
Your coin's gone, your constitution hard-pressed
But you nabbed that one clue, so you're still on the quest