Births, Deaths & Marriages (Bonus)
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I'll say this only once
I haven't had a moments peace
In thirty seven months
Commitments squeezed like tinned sardines
Into each precious hour
But I'll survive 'cause where there's life
There's generally a bar
Line 'em up:
Births and deaths and marriages
Births and deaths and marriages
Cabbages and kings
Cabbages and kings
Slugs and snails and spam e-mails
Slugs and snails and e-mails
And other precious things
Other precious things
Cherubim and Seraphim
Cherubim and Seraphim
Go green with envy for
Go green with envy for
All the births and deaths and marriages
All the births and deaths and marriages
Mortality affords
Mortality affords
Today a man got on my tram
And wiped his sweaty neck
And suddenly I saw how he
Must look whilst having sex!
I felt like Henry the Sixth felt
When he sang hysterically
Watching the slaughter his supporters
Thought he ought to see
Births and deaths and marriages
Births and deaths and marriages
Divorces, christenings
Divorces, christenings
Isn't life for all its strife
Isn't life for all its strife
A rather a splendid thing?
A rather a splendid thing?
Cherubim and Seraphim
Cherubim and Seraphim
Continually do cry
Continually do cry:
"Life's wasted on these mortal ones
"Life's wasted on these mortal ones
So can we have a try?"
Can we have a try?"
Yeah!
Here's a story 'bout a boy
Ignored by all the class
He broke his leg so he could get them
All to sign his cast
But instead of writing "Get Well Soon"
They wrote "You Suck"
A dreadful story, I'm terribly sorry
At least I made it up!
At least I made it up!
Births and deaths and marriages
Births and Deaths and Marriages
Cabbages and kings
Cabbages and kings
Topped and tailed with screams and wails
Topped and tailed, and screams and wails
Cheated in between
Cheated in between
What the hell? I'm fit and well
What the hell? I'm fit and well
I'm ready and I'm willin'
I'm able and I'm willin'
I'm not from Venus or from Mars โ
I'm not from Venus or from Mars โ
I'm from Enniskillen!
I'm from Enniskillen!
So why watch 'The nation's hundred greatest
Things in history'
When the top spot goes, by law
To Bohemian Rhapsody?
You will never see a poor bookie
The dealer always wins
And there ain't no clocks round the Vegas slots
Keep texting your votes in
Woo!
Goodnight, and may your God go with you