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The Speed Test
Marc Kudisch, Sutton Foster, Anne L. Nathan, Thoroughly Modern Millie Ensemble, Original Broadway Cast of Thoroughly Modern Millie
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Take a letter
To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax
You will find an invoice in the file for the address
Dear Mr. Hudson
Colon
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage
That the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere so
I hope you solve this matter
How's my speed Miss Dillmount?
A little slow perhaps
Ah
Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
And if it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
Now read that back to me please
Certainly
Dear Mr. Hudson
Colon
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage
That the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
Nice
And unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere so
I hope you solve this matter
Not half bad, continue please
Enclosed you'll find a small container
Of the stuff I talk about, just carefully remove the lid
And take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
And if it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
Miss Dillmount
May I speak frankly?
Yes?
If I could be so lucky as to have a good stenographer
To keep this place as up-to-date
As her short skirt and bobbed coiffure
I wouldn't have to worry about our soured office planking
And could concentrate on generating profits ripe for banking
That is why I'm testing you with this outrageous correspondence
Which I don't intend to actually mail to the respondents
So if you can make sense of my unintelligible patter
Then the job is yours, and Hudson's Floor Wax really doesn't matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter, matter
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter
Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat
Man your machine, go!
ย
Time!
Dear Mr. Hudson
(Colon) my eyes are fully open to my awful situation
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation
When the floor wax that we bought from you
Arrived here Monday morning
We discovered upon usage
That the fumes should have a warning
Since the only possiblity is that your wax is rancid
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced
Unless you can convince me you've improved the floor wax batter
We will take our business elsewhere so
I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
(So I hope you solve this matter)
So I hope you solve this matter
(So I hope you solve this matter)
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter, matter, matter, matter
Going on
Enclosed you'll find a small container of the stuff I talk about
Just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you've a doubt
I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers
With the news of how our office was affected by your vapours
Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter
Full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better
I just hope it won't require us to have our floor relaid
And if it does you may expect a bill
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon
You have made the team, Miss Dillmount
(You have made the team, Miss Dillmount)
Tell me where my desk is, when we eat lunch
How much I'll be paid and nice to meet you
I know we'll be friends, just call me Millie Graydon
(Millie Graydon?) I mean Dillmount
(Millie Dillmount?) Someday Graydon
(Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount? Graydon? Graydon?)
(Dillmount?) Graydon
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