Skip to content
Lyric
Dive
Public playlists
My playlists
Search
Sign in
Suck a Bag of Dicks
Louis C.K.
Popularity ยท Moderate
+
๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
0
0
YouTube
Searching YouTube...
Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
Hey this is interesting
The other day a guy told me to suck a bag of dicks
That was interesting, I never heard that before
Total stranger told me to suck a bag of dicks
Whole bag of 'em
He was angry, he didn't just you know, suck a bag of dicks, like a greeting
Oh suck a bag of dicks to you too sir thank you very much
You know it's a lovely day for sucking several bags of dicks
Now what happened was that I cut him off in traffic
Because it's one of things where I just I had to get in and no one was in my car to judge me
And I just fucking you know
I just decided, he's not me so I don't care what happens to him
And I just put him off and it was a shitty thing to do
And he was back 'cause he was coming fast
'Cause he didn't imagine in a million years could be that big of an asshole
And so I did it, he had to slam on his brake
And his dog went pfft in the windshield
It was really very bad, very bad
And the worst part is when you call people out
They don't vanish, they are behind you now so
Looking back and his like fucking asshole
He's so mad and he keeps trying to get next to me
'Cause he just wants to see my fucking face
He just dying, he's like I gotta see this cocksucker now
I gotta see the fucking face of the piece of shit that did that to me
And I keep cutting him off, 'cause I don't want him to see
I'm ashamed of what I did
No, nope you don't
Finally we got to a red light and I gotta face him
Only 'cause there was a car in front of me, otherwise I'd have fucking blown right through there
But there is, just fucking furious
And I'm there like I know it was awful
I shouldn't have done that
Yeah I'm not mad, I was wrong
Why would I be mad
And he's like, fuck you
And he starts going like this 'cause he wants me to roll my window down like
I'm supposed to take part in my own abuse during this argument
You know, well I'm sorry, I don't wanna miss this
What do you have to say about me yes
How rude of me to shut out your anger with my
So I did, I rolled it down, I'm interested
And he goes, hey asshole
And I'm like yeah
He said suck a bag of dicks
And then he drove away
And I was kinda sad that he drove away
Because I had a lot of questions
That concept of sucking a bag of dicks
It's just weird
Like first of all when you picture a bag of dicks
What do you see when you picture a bag of dicks?
Is it like a plastic bag and they're all mushing together like chicken parts
We got a date written on it with sharpie
Keep it in the freezer
Or is it like a paper bag in there sticking all like bagels
Kinda like you went shopping
Bringing home a bag of dicks for the kids
Here you go Suzy, take a blue one
You can keep it right there hanging in the window somewhere
Give me two of those
And how do you suck a bag of dicks
What does he want me to do
Does he want me to take a bag of dicks and suck it
Like suck the side of the bag or does he want me to open the bag
And suck each dick individually
And throw the used ones in a bowl like in a mermaid shell, like that
So I have to make them all cum
You know like how
I don't know I never even sucked one dick
So it's not an area that I understand
I've never sucked a dick
Isn't that weird?
I've never sucked a dick, my whole life
That's weird to me, it is, it's weird
Because almost everybody has sucked a dick
When you think about it
Most people on earth suck dicks, it's true
Because fifty one percent of the population are women and they suck dicks
And there's all the gay guys that suck dicks
Then there's all the straight guys who have been forced to suck a dick under various circumstances
So what if there's only like a thousand of us out there
Who never blew anyone
Just a bunch of selfish assholes that are fucking getting blown
And not blowing back you know
It's like that's what people do, we all fucking suck dicks
You know I haven't done it
And I don't have like a big reason not to either
I don't have a policy against sucking a dick
It's not something I'm against doing
I just have never seen a dick I wanted to suck
That's really what it comes down to
I've never seen a penis that inspired me to suck it
Every dick I've ever seen has bumped me out
I hate 'em, I hate 'em
They ruin my day when I see 'em
But that's just so far
I mean how the fuck do I know
There might be, this guy right here might have a beautiful dick
This guy, if I saw his dick
I might go, aw fuck that shit's going into my mouth right now
And I just fucking, and I'd have to blown him
Fucking hold him down and blow him
That's the kind of, I would be like rape blow people
That's what I like, hold the guy down and blow him
Despite him, that's the kind of shit I would do, just to you know
I'm just saying, I'm not prejudice
I haven't seen that many, there's billions
Literally billions of dicks in the world
And I've seen like forty at the most
So how the fuck would I know
Well is that too many
I think, yeah that's too many right
Forty, Jesus Christ
Not even thirty nine
That's a dick a year, plus another one
Why am I say forty
That's a lot
That's like two bags of dicks right there
At least forty dicks, right
I never understood people judging people for the way they have sex
Some people get angry at homosexual
Just for being gay, they get mad at them argh!
I never really understood that
You like, because they're just having sex with each other
Like I can understand if gay people were just running out in the street
Just fucking people in the ass willy nilly
Just like a pestilence
Like without asking, you know
Like you're at the ATM, hey what the fuck
God damnit, some faggot just fucked me right in the ass seriously
Fucking right through my pants
He fucking ruined my new pants
Just fucking bullshit
Another one God damnit, I gotta get the fuck home
This is ridiculous
But they generally don't that, so I don't know what the fucking problem is
People get mad, they don't wanna
Don't get married, well you don't have to go to the wedding
What the fuck, you don't have to buying 'em anything
It doesn't matter
Some people go like well then our guy will marry his dog
Good, fuck then I hope he blows his dog
Who gives a shit, it doesn't matter
It doesn't have any effect on your life, why the fuck do you care
Or people that they to think they talk about, they think is a social issue
Like when you saw someone stand up on a talkshow
And say like, how am I supposed to explain to my child
That's two men are getting married
I don't know it's your shitty kid, you fucking tell 'em
Why is that anyone else's problems
Two guys are in love but they can't get married
'Cause you don't wanna talk to your ugly child
For fucking five minutes
Fucking cares about your shitty kid
He's probably a faggot anyway
How stupid is that alright, stupid
I don't know, the only thing that about me up
Is that you're not supposed to laugh at gay people when they're funny
'Cause sometimes they just, oh they're funny
Like I lived in New York for a lot of my life
And in my neighborhood everybody was gay
And you know some guys are just a guy walking down the street
But some gay guys are a guy in little short
And a half shirt and you know combat boots
Spray pants, green and whistle
And he's standing in the corner like hello fucking hot fudge
That's not a stereotype, those guys fucking exist like a thousands
And when I see them I laugh really loud
I just do, people be like don't laugh at him 'cause he's gay
No I'm not, I'm laughing 'cause he's fucking weird and silly
He's hilarious
How am I supposed to react, hello
Hello yes seriousness is yes
It's stupid
ย