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Perception Check
Tom Cardy
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On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark cloaked figures
Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do?
My half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and-
Thatโs a 1
Critical fail, Steve what do you do?
Well I believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree-
Ok, I rolled a 1
Thatโs another critical fail, Tom what does your human bard do?
Active Perception Check
(roll)
Thatโs a natural 20
Letโs fucking go
(flute)
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
These muthafuckas mean to harm us
And they got to go
So come on, getโem now
You picked the wrong day
To fuck around with my
TIGHT CREW, oh, oh
Thereโs no escaping it
I can perceive you
Hereโs what weโre gonna do
(flute)
Me and my boys gonna mess you up
I rolled a 1, I rolled a 1
FUCK
My boys are other wise engaged
So Iโm gonna bring it all myself
Hey
I forgot, youโre suppose to tell me what I see, right?
Yes, thank you letโs just slow it all down a bit
So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter
I cast VICIOUS MOCKERY
Nat 20, letโs go
Youโre a short muthafucka and nobody likes you
(flute)
SHORT!
Everybody says โLook how fucking short that guy isโ
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships
And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head
But then the doctor said wait!
This stupid mutherfucking tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body
and I HATE IT
Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure, perception check, please
Nat 20 Letโs go
You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CHILD
Itโs always a kid
Specifically the child youโve been looking for for the last
15 days game time and 5 days of our actual lives
Ok, Iโm sorry, I didnโt know, Iโll be better
Fuck, his bodyโs just lying there, right?
Right?
Yes
Donโt-
Loot That Body
Gonna loot that body now
LOOT THAT BODY
Gotta loot that muthafucka
Play my flute when I loot that dead kidโs body
(flute)
BITCH
ย