Introducing Tobacco
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Milestones are never really recognized right away. It takes, oh
Fifty, sixty years before people realize what an achievement it is
Like, um, take for instance tobacco and the discovery of tobacco
It was discovered by Sir Walter Raleigh, you know, and he sent it
Over to England from the colonies. And, uh, it seems to me the uses
Of tobacco aren't obvious right off the bat, you know. And I imagine
A phone conversation between Sir Walter Raleigh and the head of the
West Indies Company in England explaining about
This shipment of tobacco that he had just sent
Over. I think it would go something like this
Sir Walter Raleigh: Yeah, who is it, Murray?
Murray: Sir Walter Raleigh from the colonies
Sir Walter Raleigh: Oh, yeah, put him on, will you? Hey, Harry?
Yeah, you wanna pick up the extension? It's Snotty Walt again
Harry: Hi, Walt, baby, how are you, guy? How's everything going?
Sir Walter Raleigh: Oh, things are fine here, Walt. Did we get the
What? The boatload of turkeys? Yeah, they arrived fine, Walt. As a
Matter of fact, they're still here, Walt. They're wandering all over
London, as a matter of fact. See, that's an American holiday, Walt
What is it this time, Walt? You got another winner for us, do you?
Tobacco? What's tobacco, Walt? It's a kind of leaf? And you bought
Eighty tons of it? Let me get this straight now, Walt. You bought
Eighty tons of leaves? This may come as kind of a surprise to you
Walt, but come fall in England here, we're kind of up to our... It
Isn't that kind of leaf? What is it, a special food of some kind
Is it, Walt? Not exactly? It has a lot of different uses? Like what
Are some of the uses, Walt? Are you saying snuff, Walt? What's snuff?
You take a pinch of tobacco and you shove it up your nose? And it
Makes you sneeze? I imagine it would, Walt, yeah. Say, goldenrod
Seems to do it pretty well over here. It has some other uses, though?
You can chew it? Or put it in a pipe? Or you can shred it up and
Put it on a piece of paper and roll it up... Don't tell me, Walt
Don't tell me. You stick it in your ear, right, Walt? Or between
Your lips? Then what do you do, Walt? You set fire to it, Walt?
Then what do you do, Walt? You inhale the smoke? You know, Walt, it
Seems offhand like you can stand in front of your fireplace and have
The same thing going for you, you know. See, Walt, we've been a
Little worried about you, you know, ever since you put your cape down
Over that mud, you know. See, Walt, I think you're gonna have kind
Of a tough time selling people on sticking burning leaves in their
Mouth. It's going very big over there, is it? What's the matter
Walt? You spilled your what? Your coffee? What's coffee, Walt? That's
A drink you make out of beans? That's going over very big there too
Is it? A lot of people have the coffee right after their first
Cigarette in the morning? Is that what you call a burning leaves
Walt, cigarettes? I'll tell you what, Walt, why don't
You send us a boatload of those beans, too? If you can
Talk people into putting those burning leaves in their mouth
They gotta go for those beans, Walt. Listen, Walt, don't
Call us, we'll call you. Right, Walt, goodbye, goodbye