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Poor Unfortunate Souls
Pat Carroll
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URSULA: The only way to get what you want,
Is to become a human yourself.
ARIEL: Can you do that?
URSULA: My dear, sweet child. That's what I do!
That's what I live for!
To help unfortunate young merfolk
Like yourself!
Poor souls, with no one else to turn to...
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me,
Well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
True? Yes.
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And you lady please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed
(Pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls!
In pain, in need!
This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes indeed!
Those poor unfortunate souls!
It's sad, but true!
They come flockig to my cauldron, crying
"Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them, yes indeed.
Now it's happened once or twice,
Someone couldn't pay their price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole, I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls!
Have we got a deal?
ARIEL: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again
URSULA: But, you'll have your man!
Life is full of tough choices, innit?
Oh, and there is one more thing -
We haven't discussed the subject of payment!
ARIEL: But I don't have-
URSULA: I'm not asking much!
Just a token, really, a trifle!
What I want from you is
Your voice
ARIEL: But without my voice, how can I-
URSULA: You'll have your looks!
Your pretty face! And don't underestimate
The importance of body language! Ha!
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore!
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?
Come on! They're not all that impressed with conversation!
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
For a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul!
Go ahead, make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
Won't cost much, just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath and
Go ahead and sign the scroll!
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her boys!
The boss is on a roll!
This poor unfortunate soul
Beluga, sevruga come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larynxis Glossitis and Max Laryngitis
La Voce to me!
Now...
Sing!
(ARIEL vocalising)
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