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I Mean More Like a Light Sprinkle
Nate Bargatze
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She wants me to get in shape
That's like, you know, 'cause I'm in bad shape
Ah, I always tell people too, I'm always like
"I gotta get back in shape, man"
I've never been in shape, ever, like that's, you know people are like
"If I could get back to my 20's," like I would have to be like
If I could get back to seven, I guess maybe, like
I think I did okay at seven
When you work -, when I work out, I choose workouts that I can't do
I don't do anything I will follow, like I won't just be like
"Hey, let's not eat McDonald's every day, Nate"
I'll be like, "What are the Navy SEALs doing?
I should just do what they do, like I should find out"
I see all the workout TV commercials
Like, I saw P90X, I was like, "Oh, I'll do that
You know, it's 90 days, let's just get it over with
Like, I can do that work," I can't do that work
You have to be in He-Man shape to do that workout
I realized I couldn't do it 'cause, like, when I saw the commercial
They always show like a before body then an after body
Like once they showed the before body, I was like
"Oh, I would kill to look like that guy
That guy looks unbelievable
Does the before body guy have a DVD?
Like, how did he get to that?"
I've signed up for classes, I went to, like, I went to -
I signed up for a kickboxing class
I went, I liked it, I loved it, it was
Well, it was at a Jewish community center
Like they're really good at kickboxing
They just don't brag about it like everybody else
No, it was me and two 70-year-old women
That's all that was in the class, just us
We would just kick our hearts away for ten minutes or so
And then we would just gossip, then we would just gossip
And that was my speed, I could handle that
I signed up for a mixed martial arts class, I went one day
I don't know how to fight, I didn't want to fight
I just went, like, I just go in there
I'm 33, I just want to do some kind of formal training
The first day I go in, they just pair me up with some 16-year-old kid
That wants to fight for a living
And wasn't raised by human parents
And they're like, "Why don't y'all just go at it?"
And you're like, "Oh, I don't know, man
I think it's 'cause we have different goals
Maybe that's why we should not go at it
Uh, I think he's trying to learn how to hunt for his food barehanded
And I just want you to not be able to see my nipples through my shirt, so
We should do levels, have y'all thought of levels at all?
Has anybody thought of levels?"
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