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Good Times And Good NIght
Lisa Lampanelli
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Now while I'm over here, Jew bastard, are you indeed a dirty, dirty
Money grubbing Jew? You're not? Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen
This man pretended to be a Jew for this whole show, just to help
Now that, to me, I'm gonna be serious, is a very non-racist attitude
Thank you. Am I right? Because seriously, man, who cares? It doesn't
Matter what people call ya. I've been called everything, I don't
Care. I've been called a Jew because of the nose. I've been called
A dyke 'cause of that one time in college. You were good, Joy, you
She can lick it, stick it, and put it in a box. Now, let me tell you
Something, I, uh, always save the homosexuals for last. And I usually
Make light of it. I shall not tonight, people. I have one serious
Thing to say to my gay people, and I wanna be serious for a minute
Dudes. I'm really sorry I said that AIDS joke. That was stupid
Because AIDS is obviously the best diet ever. Oh, come on, man
Nobody likes to cut down on their food intake. Please, I would bang
A homo and a monkey. Come on, nobody likes to diet. But, hey, check
It out, I lost twenty-five pounds on Jenny Craig. Ain't that good?
Come on, twenty-five pounds, in only seven years. And here's the
Deal, never believe us fat women who say we like ourselves this way
That's a total lie. No, I used to be like, "I love myself, I love
Myself." More for you to love. Lyin' bitch. Lose weight, you're
Fat. Nobody likes to be any deformity. Fat, crippled, Asian
Nothin'. Come on, we got operations for them eyes. You don't have
To... I love that you aren't practicing violin tonight and that
You decided to come and help our show. So, you guys were terrific
Clap it up for Ching Tao and his wife, Suzuki. Vroom, vroom. Back
To the dirty homos. I love the gays, and I love that you're a couple
I want you to stay together. But you gays, look at me, you single
Homos. Please be careful out there. You have your crazy, crazy
Ass play, and that can be very damaging. Be careful, 'cause you
Know what they say, once you go queer, you stretch out your rear
Thank you very much, folks. I'm Lisa Lampenelli, I love you!
Thank you! We love you! Thank you! Good night, Seattle! You rock!
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