Stupid Things I Won't Do
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Reading papers when there ain't a review is a stupid thing
And I won't do it
When I read I want to read something new
Or why read anything at all
Wars will always happen, there's always strife
But opening a show just happens one time in its life
And that's why reading papers when there ain't a review
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No, no
You can kill me
You can grill me
You can cuff me on the ear I still won't do it
You can boot me
You can shoot me
That's not a thing that I will do
Men may laugh and women may chortle
But there's a reason I'm immortal
And reading rags when there ain't a review
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
And another thing, while we're on the subject
Making movies, Hollywood
Stupid thing, I won't do it
Bet your booties I'd be god-damn good
But that is not a game that I will play
I'm a seasoned actor, I don't skate, I don't dive
The only roles I want are where I'm performing live in person
Making movies in Hollywood
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No, no
You can kill me
You can bill me
You can nail me to the wall I still won't do it
You can maim me
You can defame me
There are certain things I won't pursue
I've achieved my awesome potential
By focussing on what's essential
And making movies, Hollywood
Stupid!
Living life like a normal person
Stupid thing, I won't do it
After five minutes as a normal person
You can lock me in a mental ward and throw away the key
Though I live with passion, and joy, and rage
The only time I feel alive is when I'm on the stage
And that is why living life like a normal person
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No, no
I need theatre
I love theatre
It's the food that I eat eight times a week
God bless theatre
Life is weirder
Maybe not, but who's to say
What could be more prim and officious
Than cleaning floors and washing dishes
Good for them who can do those things
But they're not the things that I can do
No, no, no
Good for them who can do those things
But they're not the things that I can
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
Those are things that I can't
Never have and never will
Be able to do