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I Play Video Games
Hannibal Buress
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I went to this bar around here
I thought there was a comedy show going on in the back
They didn't have a comedy show
They had Nintendo Wii bowling set up
And it was two girls and a guy playing
The guy asked me to be on his team
We played against the girls
Then we lost because of me, he got ready to leave
He was like, all right, see y'all later, ladies
And to me, he was like, "Hey, man, step your game up"
I was like, nah, dude, you step your life up
Get some real passions
I play a lot of video games, I play Grand Theft Auto
Grand Theft Auto is a really detailed game
On this game, you can buy clothes and go on dates with video game girls
So I bought an outfit that I thought the video game girl would like
I bought a shirt, pants, and shoes
And I picked her up, she was like, that shirt is ugly
So I got off the car and I shot her in the face
Don't disrespect me, you video game bitch
You virtual twat
You just shot her in the face
Now the date's over
So I'm playing this game for an escape from real life
I don't need your criticism in HD
Dolby Surround Sound
What's really hilarious is that you can't kill this girl
Because she's part of the storyline
So when you shoot her in the face, she's like, "You're being weird"
And she runs away
I'm being weird? Nah, you're being weird
I just shot you in the face and you didn't die
She's acting like it was annoying
I was at the game store
They had Guitar Hero set up
And it was this kid playing
And I got on the other guitar to compete against him
This kid's father's hyping him up
"Billy, you're gonna rock out on this dude"
"Hell yeah, Billy, you're gonna kick this guy's ass"
Like, dude, chill out, man
Your kid's not a real rock star
He has no future in music
He's probably going to work for the city or something
It's not a bad job, you get benefits
A lot of vacation days
But it's not any rock star shit
But anyway, so I started playing this game
I was a novice, this kid is a pro
He starts rocking out, he's winning
He starts leaning back with the guitar like that
Then this dude turned his back to the screen
And he put the guitar through his legs
So I punched him in the chest
And hit him in the knees with my guitar
Don't fucking showboat on me, kid
Have some class and act like you've been there before
This ain't a video game, this is real life
One point for Hannibal
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