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Assorted Cheese
Lisa Lampanelli
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Now let me tell you, like I said, I don't got no boyfriend
But you know, when I get my next one
I'm not lying, I've had it with that bullshit
I am not pretending to like to suck a dick no more
It is disgusting
And guys, don't get it twisted
No, don't get it twisted
None of these bitches likes to suck a dick
And if they do, it's 'cause they were molested
So get some therapy, skanks
Ugh, I hate it so much that I had my gay faggot friend Wendell
Teach me the twisty technique to try to make it go faster
It don't work, that lyin' bum chump
I'm gettin' carpal tunnel of the cunt
Chronic fatiguedy asshole
You lyin' donut-punchin' fruit
Then you fuckin' white guys love when we look up at ya
Ehhhh, ehhhh
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And then you blacks love lookin' down
"Yeah, bitch"
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You bitch, you know you love that
Say you love it, bitch
And I'm like, "Yeah, I love it, yeah"
I can't do it
It's like tryin' to go this here
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You know what?
Once I got so bored during a dick suckin'
That I actually counted
To see how many times it would take me to go this here
I am sad and sorry to report
That that number was 200
It was horrible
It was like one Mississippi
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Two Mississippi
Ooh, is that the Iron Chef or Ace of Cakes?
Three Mississippi
That's right, you freaks of nature
I held my goddamn nose
'Cause would it kill you to wash your meat bag every once in a while?
Wash your goddamn nutsacks
Not like I'm not flattered
By the invitation to the assorted cheese platter under the stones
Ugh
And I say that knowing full well that my stuff is awful
Yes, every time I go to the gynecologist
I have to write a letter of apology
And it's you blacks' fault
Because you will stretch a bitch out, yes
Now when I bang a white guy, for him to feel anything
I have to cross my legs
I stood up suddenly in the back room
Two Jews fell out head first
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