The Muppet Cypher
The Stupendium, Freeced, Dan Bull, JT Music, Little Flecks, McGwire, Freshy Kanal, Connor Quest!, Shwabadi, Chi-Chi, NemRaps, BassedOlaf, Bonecage
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It's The Muppet Show Cypher with our very special guests! Uh, half of Nerdcore!
(Wee!) (Ahem, hang on, I got a frog in my throat)
No Sesame! This frog ain't one for the kids!
Talk to Goggles and Croaker, it's water under the bridge!
Coppers always act disturbed by Kermie coming up big (nyah)
Every cuffing season, I got trouble with pigs
I've been hip hopping since my days in the swamp
Waving arms the way that Mr. Dawson taught me to talk (hey)
I keep Glocks for my TV spots
I got sausages and coffee pots and easy shots
I'm able to gloat a fable 'til the day that I croak
Flow so cold I'm happy I was made from a coat (sheesh)
And you can take Manhattan! Take the whole damn scene!
I got a pad on every lake, it's kinda easy making green
Back up the forklift, unload the crate
Give a round of applause for Gonzo the Great
I know most folks don't want smoke today
But my flow's explosive, so bombs away!
All hail the Great Gonzo-rella!
Am I he? Am I she? Am I omnigender?
Check none of the above, love, I'm whatever!
Bock-bock, bockerk-kerk! Come on, Camilla!
Nobody's gonna be telling me what is and isn't canon
When my salary decrees, I make my living in a cannon
And I have for Zotons, Gonzo's the boss hog
Was lost, but don't wanna go home to Oznog
You can leave it to me to put the rat in the race
I'm in it for the cheese like I'm trapped in a maze
Got anything to eat? I'll be snacking all day
Who took my jellybeans? Oh, I stashed them away
Don't look to Rizzo for a rat that is brave
But I know slapstick like a smack in the face
Always coming up with something sarcastic to say
Any kind of fourth wall I will happily break
'Cause me and Gonzo know how to handle stories
But don't look down, I can't handle stories!
Despite my massive fear of heights
Nothing'll come between me and my appetite
Scoot over, this Muppet's here to show the ropes (wow)
My uncle runs the theatre, but I stole the show (wow)
While not quite the puppeteer, I am the gofer so (wow)
When it's time to bust some lyrics, then I gofer flow (wow)
Got a load of roles that I'm supposed to manage (woo)
Want some toast to go? You got it! Want some cocoa? Bro, you'll have it!
Want a fabric that's rapping so rapid as if it's fast fashion?
I'm jacking this track up with the flashy green track jacket
Ask how I rap that swell drip, I'm selfless (aw)
I could fill a well big clipboard with felt tips (ha)
Tech boss and I like computers (beep-boop)
But no desktop has a drive like Scooter's
Lemme the crowd warmed up 'til they hem and they haw
Think it's all dried up? I could get a guffaw
Can't nobody rope the dope, I flow control and I host the show
'Til they know fo sho, I got jokes, yo
Ay, what do they call a bear who pulls jokes on folks who get old?
Unbearable! (Haha!)
Hey, the show goes on, yeah
I'm just saying
I won't stop 'til we're all famous
Ya-da-da-da-da-da-dah! Hah!
You know what?
What?
Whenever I hear Fozzie Bear, my first thought is always "McGwire"
Yeah! McWhy're we still listening?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh, ooh, ooh, ooh
We're Muppet Labs and we came to say
This is where the future's being made today
Oh, dear, you can hear that my rhymes are rather tragic
That's precisely why we've built the Muppet Labs Rap-o-matic!
One flip of a switch and I'll be spitting completely
Meep meep mee mee mee mo! Meep meep meep mee mee mee mee mee!
The risk of a glitch? Don't be ridiculous, Beakie!
Hm, bit of a hitch, seems it is overheating
Beakie, did you forget to check the lexical accelerator?
As you can see, my assonant speed is as fast as can— Beakie, check the breaker!
Twiddle the knobs, rip out a cog
Hit the lyrical clock with a brick or a rock
Now my hippity-hop is the tippety-top
But I think we should stop and be switching it off!
Oh! Oh, Beakie, you broke it!
Mee?
That will be coming out of your paycheck
Meep meep mee mee mee mo!
Smoke kief with the show's chief, I'm the brain stem
Most peeps don't got soul beats paying their bills
Tones deep through my nose, breathing the mayhem
Cold beast with the gold teeth, call me Bear Grylls
Organ got them pipes and I got the piece ready
Turned cathedrals to theatres and left the seats sweaty
You ain't ever getting bored when I slam the keys heavy
Yeah, they call me doctor, 'cause I keep the beat steady
I ain't one for G major, skipping over the beat
Break, improvise what my sheets say, flipping into a key change
I'm counting all my dough while they're jamming to my cheesecake
Gold records get sold as my legacy gets replayed
That mad mutt muppet, you must muffle and muzzle him (woo)
Flow is so dirty there's much mud and muck muddled in
Tidy and unkempt, so, actually, the main G (arf, arf)
Couldn't tame me with a chain leash or lame treats
Take a big pause (Arf! Arf! Arf!)
Like a Saint Bernard stomping
The kernels going off, even got Churchill nodding (yeah)
While there's a frog in your throat, it's like Kermit's coughing
I'm a Great Dane, you're mundane, it's done, mate (arf)
Underdogs winning this eight ways to Sunday (arf, arf)
Looking all puzzled like the throw was faked
You better chuck us a bone or we can do this the ruff way
(Agh, ah, rrrgh, aragh, brlrlrl)
Yeah, let me kick you back a couple decades and be frank for a sec (hey)
I'm the baddest beast to bring a beat and bang on a set (ha)
Who's the maddest of the band? I think you'll hazard a guess (ha)
Rappers jealous of the fattest chain that hangs round my neck (ha)
Uh, sanity ain't pals with me, it hangs by a thread
No sticks? No problem, I'm just banging my head (OK)
Yeah, ask around, I'm the man they fear
Skirt-chashing vermin, y'all should get the women outta here
D-R-U-M! Say the word and I might appear
Bang-ba-bang-ba-bang-bang! Onomatopoeia!
Eclectic playing, electric mayhem
You need another banger? Aight, bet, just say when (woo)
You know Shwabadi calls himself the "Were-Bear"
He does?
Yeah! Because listening to him wears you down!
And I can't bear it!
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh, ha-ha
Make way for moi!
Everywhere I go, I'll leave you in awe
Yeah, I'm the pink diva with the mean chutzpah
High class, en masse, hold the hem and haw
Refined, devine, beg your pardon?
You upstage me? Hiiii-yah!
Some say I'm way too much, but I say they're not enough
When I make a scene, I'm getting that green
And I ain't just talking bucks
Au revoir, mon cher! My time is up!
Wait, that's all I get?
Hrmph! Look at all this nonsense around me!
The lack of decency and integrity is astounding (My word!)
This cypher has gotten out of control
These misfit degenerate freaks have got to go (yeah)
We needed some American rappers on the stage
We should've called Iggy Azalea, maybe Drake (mhm)
So proud! (So proud!) So majestic!
You should know I am not the birdie to mess with (haha)
Mr. Kermit, here's a suggestion
Perhaps, don't add buffoonery in the next bit?
A bunch of weirdos and nerdies
It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys (yeah)
Okay? Now, listen what I gotta say
Watch me tippy-toe on stage as I do ballet
The shellfish with the drip and the ice, Dwayne Swanson lookalike
You won't believe that this prawn actually fried your rice
Okay? I'm a prawn, not a shrimp
I'm a player, not a simp, I got married and got kids
The martial artist himself, Goro in disguise
Master of tae-prawn-do, catch you by surprise
Okay? Now prawn-to as I finish this up
The angel in the heart, the Muppet that will make you laugh
Dios mio! Where's my manners? I forgot to say!
I'm Pepe the King Prawn, okay?
A fish is a normal fish if it lives and it swims in a pond or crick
And it doesn't exist as a fried dish served with chips
And it's also not a boomerang fish
Flying fishy boomerang! (ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
I'm sardine to wreak haddock, but salmon's gotta do it (aw) (this is terrible)
Tilapia, be the dude, throw a fish around the room (he-he-heh)
But, barramundi when I do, it's coming right back to you! (Ooh)
Ghüdå måken wafersömme flåversömme skåndînavîån
Thrüda pötten, troodå shötten, pøødéé aprön
Hünde skåndî åntîpastî vîgîlåntee hîn de påntréé
Flømbêê Råmsåy bîn dê vhån ünd sëndéé påcken vhîd dê Gåvîscøøn
Yhüsedå trüstên blünderbüstên hüntên fur dê chîkéé
Bhüddå sëndën å Bårrëttå whëndéé Hënsøn lüft dê kîtchéé
Dhîsøbîdee grêêdî rëalléé nêêdee quîddî bhîtchéé
Ferda fëltën hî un fîbhur ünd dê frîttî fîngee îtchéé!
He doesn't carrot all, he won't lettuce get away
This caper won't re-lentil he gets his five a day
And if this is the endive, I shallot wanna say
Swede beet-ing up the celery isn't worth the measly pay! (I don't wanna daikon!)
Tëll mhee høøda gönna lîstéé hëardå talkîne gøürd?
Chîkéé lîngî whîndee lhîngönberréé såüce ghëtt pøüred
Îffi înnee pîckléé fhîcksî hoopå smörgåsbord
Whëll dë bësttëë rëcîpürdën håvvå bork bork bork!
Say, that's the end of the cypher! Why didn't we get a verse?
A verse? I'm averse to making this thing any longer!
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh
Oh-hoh, this was a terrible idea
That's it
(Good grief)