A More Humane Mikado Never Did In Japan Exist
The D'Oyly Carte Opera Company
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A more humane Mikado never did in Japan exist
To nobody's second I'm certainly reckoned a true philanthropist
It is my very humane endeavor to make to some extent
Each evil liver a running river of harmless of harmless merriment
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment
All prosy dull society sinners
Who chatter and bleat and bore
Are sent to hear sermons from mystical Germans
Who preach from ten 'til four
The amateur tenor whose vocal villainies
All desire to shirk
Shall during off-hours exhibit his powers
To Madame Tussaud's waxwork
The lady who dyes a chemical yellow
Or stains her grey hair puce
Or pinches her figure
Is painted with vigor!
And permanent walnut juice
The idiot who in railway carriages
Scribbles on window panes
We only suffer
To ride on a buffer
In Parliamentary trains
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment
His object all sublime
He will achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment
The advertising quack who wearies
With tales of countless cures
His teeth, I've enacted, shall all be extracted
By terrified amateurs!
The music hall singer attends a series
Of masses, and fugues, and ops
By Bach interwoven with Spohr and Beethoven
At classical Monday pops
The billiard sharp whom anyone catches
His doom's extremely hard
He's made to dwell in a dungeon cell!
On a spot that's always barred
And there he plays extravagant matches
In fitless finger stalls
On a cloth untrue
With a twisted cue
And elliptical billiard balls
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment
His object all sublime
He will achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment